


ROOMING

by ChopLogic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Smut, Tentabulges, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChopLogic/pseuds/ChopLogic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or the Alternian title: Equius Zahhak Gets Stabbed, Dirk Strider Provides Shelter, They Harbour Secretive Crushes On Eachother Untill They Move In Together And Become The Best Of Perverted Alien Boyfriend-Matesprits All Told From The Point Of View Of Dirk. (NSFW Chapters will be tagged as such.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Blueblood In The Nighttime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something about the formatting here is messed up, I've tried to fix it numerous times but It won't agree with me.
> 
> LE SIGH.
> 
> You'll just have to read it as a chunk, I am sorry.

It was 12:47 PM when I heard the door buzzer go off; someone down by the front door had his or her finger firmly pressed against it. I waited a breath, then two; the buzzer didn’t stop. I was a medium-toned drone that managed to annoy me to no end even though it wasn’t very loud or high-pitched; I slid out of my bed and stumped over to the intercom, I jabbed my finger into the speak button and started talking.  
“Hello?” my voice was gruff and tired sounding, I swallowed and tried again, “Hello?” I repeated. I removed my finger from the talk button and the speaker exploded into static. It took me a second to figure out that someone was actually panting into the microphone on the other end, well not really panting, more like gasping.  
“Hello,” Rumbled the voice on the other end “Would you be so kind as to – ah – Let me in? I require the use of your – ngh – telephone,” the question was punctuated with half-stifled groans.  
“Who are you, what happened to you, you sound awful.” My finger hovered over the unlock button, waiting for a response from the other end.  
“I appear to have been stabbed, not seriously, but enough to warrant some – hn - b100dloss and light-headedness” he ignored my first question but answered the second question, words concise and calm yet labored. I swore quietly, how he decided to knock on my door in the night with a side wound was beyond me, but I knew how to sew up cuts and deal with body trauma. I pressed down the button.  
“Get yourself up here, I can stich it up for you and give you somewhere to rest for the night. Room 20B one floor up from the door.”  
"Ah, thank you very much,” said the voice as I buzzed him through.

\---

He was at my door in seconds, politely knocking even tough he said he was bleeding; I opened it and barely retained a gasp. He was taller then me by a good head or so and he filled the doorway with his massive frame. He had black hair that fell over his shoulders with a pronounced widow’s peak on his forehead, orange horns that grew out of his head and into the shape of two arrows; the tip of one broken off jaggedly, and grey skin. A single drop of blood spattered on the floor from under his coat; a bright royal blue.  
I had just invited a high-blood Alternian troll into my apartment so I could tend to his stab wound, good going Strider.  
“Greetings,” he said, breathing labored. He pitched forward all of a sudden, horn tip barely missing the top of the doorframe. I caught his arm and fought to keep him upright but he was heavy as hell.  
He found his footing again and stood once more, knees shaking. He had a solid grip on my forearm, which I must say, hurt a little, and it takes a deal of force to get a Strider to admit something hurts.  
“Easy there, big guy.” I slid my other hand under his armpit to gain more leverage, which I instantly regretted; this guy was sweating like a racehorse. I led him to my couch and set him down, he pushed off his coat to reveal his right hand pressed firmly against his left kidney area, the same royal blue as his eye bags seeping through his black shirt.  
I wiped my hand on my boxers, white with little red hearts all over them, and dashed to the kitchen to get a towel. I came back to the couch he was grimacing, his busted sunglasses had slipped slightly down his angular nose to reveal the yellow sclera of his eyes. I handed him the towel and he exchanged it for his hand, his palm stained a dark blue.  
I pulled my sewing kit out from under the couch and took out a needle and black thread; better to go with neutral tones then offend him with colors. I threaded the needle on the first try and then moved to pull up the alien’s shirt.  
I placed my hand as close to the bleeding area as I dared and then slid my hand up his abdomen, the black cloth collecting at my wrist. His skin was strange, cool, slick with sweat, and almost rubbery to the touch.  
He hissed and clenched his teeth; I stopped and looked up at him. He had sweat collecting on his brow and had his glasses pushed up all the way to his horns, he looked at me and ducked his chin in a little half-nod, a nonverbal go-ahead.  
I pushed his shirt the rest of the way up his chest and looked at the wound; it was one of those horrible broken-bottle shank wounds, complete with pieces of glass sticking out here and there. I did my best to pick out the big pieces with my fingers but I had to use tweezers for the smaller ones.  
After the glass was cleaned out and most of the blood wiped off I started stitching the cuts closed. The wound wasn’t as deep as I thought it was; his skin was quite thick, it would leave a scar if anything.  
“So, what did you do to get stabbed buddy?” It was kind of awkward to be preforming a minor surgery in the middle of the night on a bara alien wearing only my boxers, so I broke the tension with questions. My tongue peeking out from my lips as I concentrated on making my stiches clean and small, he was silent save for his slightly hitched breath.  
“I was assaulted in the street,” he replied.  
“A big guy like you? Just jumped in the street? Must have some massive balls to mess with a guy like you. Either that or be so completely fucking out of it.” He flinched at my language, I made note not to cuss in front of him. I knotted and cut my thread, moving on to the smaller cuts.  
“Well, highb100ds are notorious for their mental instability.” He sighed and I paused mid stich.  
“So you’re saying you let yourself get stabbed because his blood is ‘higher’ then your own?” I grinned a little, this guy was a bit of a weirdo; wouldn’t even protect himself because of blood color. I knew a little about Alternian blood caste systems; a purple blood probably shanked him, anything higher was royalty and it wouldn’t be very regal to spaz out on a lower caste, or was it?  
“In a sense yes, I did manage to punch him in the face once but he spat out a clot of higher-caste b100d I knew I was in the wrong. I only let him stab me once I saw that it wasn’t my place to fight him,” he replied. I finished my stich and cut the string, the troll sat up a bit and looked at my handiwork.  
“You might need to rest here for a few days, make sure you heal up right.” I closed up my sewing box and returned it under the couch.  
“Are you sure that is all right, I do not wish to be a burden,” His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. He had such honest eyes; he was legitimately worried that la casa de Strider wouldn’t be able to accommodate another body.  
“Ptff, it’ll be fine as long as six other trolls don’t come knocking at my door for medical attention,” I pivoted on my heel and started walking back to my room but I changed my mind. I turned back and stood at the end of the couch.  
“I never caught your name, big guy, or why you chose my apartment out of all of the ones on the block,” I waited for him to respond because he currently was wrestling his shirt off his horns. He finally removed the offending garment and answered me, his bare chest distracting me a little; shit he was buff, but he lacked nipples and belly button, which was a little disconcerting.  
“Equius Zahhak is my name. I chose your apartment purely on proximity to where I was assaulted, I c001d of chosen anyone out of this apartment block but my finger had settled on your call button,” He paused to fold his shirt and lay it on the table beside him. “What is your name?” he asked.  
“Strider, Dirk Strider, and it’s a pleasure to meet you and tend to your bodily wounds.” I grinned and the troll gave a little chuckle. “G’night Equius,” I called over my shoulder as I left the room, returning to my bed and sleep.


	2. Meowrails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so slow, I'm being dumb about updating even though I have 11 chapters written.  
> I am gomen.
> 
> More coming.

The next morning wasn’t as quiet as I hoped it to be, I awoke to the sound of a confused snarl and a coffee table breaking. Seemed like Equius was up and not too happy about it.  
I slid out of bed and took my sword off the wall, keeping it sheathed until I needed to stab something. I padded into the short hallway and I saw him, he had his back turned to me, black hair flowing over his hunched shoulders.

He snapped his head around and fixed me with an indigo glare. His glasses were on the smashed remains of the coffee table by the couch, serving absolutely no use at all in blocking his deep blue death-glare.

“Who are you, where am I!?” he demanded, a snarl playing over his lips.

“Calm down bro, I helped you last night, remember? Some highblood nutjob stabbed you and- “he cut me off mid sentence with an enraged roar.

“You shouldn’t have helped me, the highb100d had culled me for disobedience!” He roared and lunged at me, hands out to crush anything that he grabbed. I flash-stepped behind him and to the right, I kept my sword sheathed and cracked him over the back with it. It didn’t really help my case, he whirled around and fixed me with another fierce look, snarling and sweating. If he caught me with one of those punches I was done for.

“Calm the fuck down, you came to me for help, not the other way ar-” his arm arced out, narrowly missing my head, I guess cursing in front of him wouldn’t really help my case. I dove between his legs, I popped up and danced out of range, I didn’t want to pull my sword out; ending this fight with more wounds to tend to was not high on my list of things to do. He whirled to face me, fists balled and now sweating profusely. He roared at me and lunged, I saw an opening and took it.  
I held my katana out in from of me, parallel to my chest and leaped at him. We collided and my sword catching his wrists and his neck as we fell the short distance to the floor.  
I sat atop his chest, knees pinning his biceps and sword pinning his wrists as I held it across his neck. I pressed down with the sword, slowly calming him down by choking him.

“My name is Dirk. You came to my apartment late last night. You were hurt. I helped you. You said nothing about disobeying any Highbloods when I was stitching you up so would you just calm the fuck down.” With each pause I applied a bit more pressure, the big troll still snarled and growled, his busted bear trap teeth snapping at me.  
He calmed down by degrees as I continued to apply pressure, his pupils dilated from enraged pinpricks to a more sedate medium size.

“You may…remove your blade…now, Strider.” He gasped, the cool composure returning to his voice. I pulled up my sword and got off his chest, he sat up and gave a couple sharp coughs. His hair clung to his chest and back with sweat, it kind of looked really hot.

“I apologize for that, I woke up very confused with little memory of what happened last night.” Equius stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, a deep blue flush spreading over his cheeks.

“Hey, it’s fine, you’re in shock and you woke up in an unfamiliar place, it’s to be expected,” I nodded my head in the direction of the coffee table. “I don’t think my table was expecting it though,” we both laughed, my high hitching laugh and his rumbly guffaw filling the room.

\---

I lent Equius some of my baggiest clothes and we sat down to a civilized breakfast of veggie omelets with a side order of sausages for me. My shirt was just a fraction too small for him; it showed off his pectorals and abs, which I must say was distracting. He chewed his food in small bites, gripping the cutlery with just his thumb and forefinger as if he would bend them if he used his whole hand.

I smiled to myself at how cute it was; this big guy that looked like he would take people and turn them inside out if they gave him so much as a weird look acting so carefully; like he was going to hurt everything he touched. Maybe in a fight, but I was pretty sure he could hold cutlery and not crush it. He set down his fork and knife and wiped off his mouth, fixing me with is intense blue eyes.

“I would like to invite a person over. She wouldn’t stay for long; just over the night at most.” He rested the tips of his fingers on the table, hanging the rest of his hands off the table as he continued to look at me.

“Sure, what’s her name? I’d like to know a little about her so I don’t seem like a total idiot when she comes by.” I replied, breaking eye contact with him to cut a sausage.

“Her name is Nepeta, she is my morail.” He replied. I knew a bit about troll relationships; Morails were represented with a light pink diamond, they calmed each other down when shit started to hit the fan. I could see where she might come in handy; I certainly didn’t want to wake up every morning to choke Equius out of a murderous rampage.

“Alright, what dos she like to eat? She a vegetarian like you?” I speared some more omelet and sausage on my fork.

“No, Nepeta perfurs- prefers meat in her meals,” he flushed a little, grinning like a little kid that just discovered the word ‘poop’. “Nepeta likes feline pawbeasts, she tends to alter her words to involve cat-related puns, and it seems that the trait has rubbed off on me,”

“Aww, now ain’t that hella cute, I think we’ll get along just fine” I smiled and cleared away our plates. Equius returned to the couch where he lay down again and began leafing through the paper, I went into my small office space and fired up my computer.

I opened my email and started sifting through my inbox; most of it was smuppet porn submissions for my lucrative puppet-smut website, I archived all of it for later viewing and uploading. I closed my email and turned over to my browser and searched up ‘Alternian trolls’. I wanted to know more about my new housemate.


	3. Feelings

It was around midday when my door buzzer started droning. I stood up and padded over to the intercom, I pressed down the talk button and spoke.

“Hello?”

“Hiya, Equius said to ring this number when I got here, may I speak to him?” the voice on the other end was female and rather child-like and cute. 

“You can talk to him when you get up here instead of through a speaker, I’ll buzz you up,” I pressed the unlock button and held it for a couple beats. I released it and walked over to the couch and poked Equius in the shoulder; he turned with a quizzical eyebrow raised.

“Nep’s going to be here in T-minus-ten seconds, brace for impact.” I said and then headed to the door to wait, he probably didn’t understand the reference but I herd Eq rise from the couch behind me and stand. I rolled over what I knew of Nepeta in my head; childish voice, likes cats and cat puns, likes meat, calms Equius out of his psycho-rages. 

There was a series of sharp, rhythmic knocks on the door, laced with a cute giggle. I opened the door and there she was; as tall as my shoulder with large olive-green eyes and a set of rounded horns protruding from holes in he blue kitty face beanie. I stepped aside and her face lit up like a kids on Christmas, she sprinted past me and launched herself at Equius, he caught her and spun her around to counterbalance. She was small compared to be but absolutely tiny compared to Equius as she snuggled up in his big arms. 

She giggled happily and nuzzled into his neck, murmuring the little vowel noises and chitters of the Alternian language. He replied with his own rumbly noises and clicks. I walked over to the pair with my hands on my hips and a big grin on my face, god these two were so sweet together I think I was developing cavities.

“So, this is Nepeta?” I asked, I already knew the answer was a resounding yes but it’s better to let her tell me about herself then rely on canned knowledge. She bent back her head; arms looped around Equius’s neck and grinned at me, revealing large predatorial incisors that seemed out of place in her small head.

“Yep, My name’s Nepeta Lejoin and I’m Equius’s meowrail,” I hadn’t even seen her for at least five minuets and she was already on the cat puns, this must be some sort of land speed record for cute. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr…” she looked at me to fill her in.

“Strider, Dirk Strider,” I introduced myself. She unhooked her arms and bent all the way back, flipping out of Eq’s grip and into a headstand. She turned on her palms and flipped again, coming up to full standing with another big grin on her face.

“I’m going to borrow Equius for a feeling jam, do you purrhaps have a pile or a bed we could use?” she asked

“If you give me a second, I’ll clear my computer out of my room and you can use my bed. Either that our you can use the couch there.”

“Nepeta, I think it w001d be more sensible to use the bed, if that is quite alright with you, Strider, I w001dn’t want to be a bother to you.” Equius interjected, gently laying a hand on Nepeta’s shoulder.

“Not a bother at all, big guy, just give me a second here.” I jogged into my room and closed up my computer, taking the power cable with me. Nepeta thanked me and then pulled Equius by the fingers into the room, her small hands only able to grip three of Equius’s fingers. I set it up in the dining room and went back to looking up Alternians. 

Equius was just a few steps from royalty, his dark blue blood landing him just one step from being a sea dweller. His crazy strength wasn’t mentioned in the wiki page but considering the fact that trolls reproduce with genetic slurry; mutations would have to appear now and again. I closed my computer and stretched, I was going to have to lay some money by for a new table and then some incase Eq decided to hulk out on any of my other furnishings during his stay. 

I heard the door close and the soft pad of feet down the hall. I turned and saw Nepeta walking towards me with her thumbs hitched in her belt loops. 

“Hey Nep, need something?” I asked.

“No, not really,” she pulled out the seat adjacent to my own and sat down “Equius is just taking a cat-nap, he gets sleepy after a good feelings jam.”

“Coolio, do you want something to drink, a snack?” 

“Yes please Mr. Strider, milk if you have any would be purrfect.” I got up and walked to the small kitchen, fetching a glass and the milk carton as Nepeta continued to speak to me.

“I worry about him,” she murmured, idly brushing the end of her blue tail, smoothing the artificial fibers with her fingers. “I worry about him efurry day, but I guess that can’t be helped, it’s what meowrails do.” I walked back to her, milk in hand and placed it in front of her.

“Yeah, I can see where worrying over a guy like that would be a bit time-consuming” I removed my shades and rubbed the bridge of my nose, “He lets himself get stabbed, breaks coffee tables like they were make out of tissue paper, and who knows what else.” I felt sorry for Nepeta, a young troll girl with her whole life ahead of her being pulled down by this big blue blood. 

It would free up her time if she could get someone else to keep an eye on him, and then it hit me. I had been looking for someone to co-rent with for a while, and I really wouldn’t mind sharing an apartment with a troll like that, but I should wait until Equius was healed up until I decided to impose big questions on him.

I head a grunt and a snort from my room, Equius must have woken up again, Nepeta drained her glass, thanked me and then bounded back the hall.

“Lunch’s in half an hour,” I called after her. 

\---

Lunch was a quiet affair; Nepeta happily demolished her ham and cheese sandwich while Equius took small dainty nibbles of his BLT, sans B. Nepeta broke the silence while licking the breadcrumbs off the sides of her mouth. 

“So Equius, how’s the healing coming along?” she asked.

“It’s healing quite well, I think the stiches themselves can come out within the next few days.” He took a bite, chewed, and spoke again, this time directed at me, “I should be out of here by Wednesday at the latest,” I would be a bit sad to see him go, all that fine muscle rump walking out my door like it was never here to begin with. Hopefully I could ask him about rooming with me before Wednesday.

He bade Nepeta goodbye and then made use of the mirrors in the bathroom to check on his wound. I quietly watched from the living room as he turned and flexed in the mirror, trying to look at his abdomen without bending down and actually looking. 

“Hey, if it’s healed up I can take your stiches out.” I called from my seat; Equius pulled down his shirt and replied.

“It has healed most admirably, the stiches have done their work.” He walked out of the bathroom and towards the couch where I was seated. “Please remove them,” he didn’t ask as much as politely command. I set my laptop to standby, placed it on a milk crate that was standing in as a coffee table until I bought a new one, and got up. Equius lay down and rolled up his shirt again. I pulled out a pair of tweezers and scissors and began snipping the threads and puling them out. 

I was quick with my work, finishing the job in less time then it took to sew him closed in the first place. I cleaned up the thread and placed the scissors back in the sewing box and turned to see Equius staring at me.

Well not exactly staring, he was focused on a space just beside my left ear; I turned and saw what he was staring at. Passing over the screen of my computer in a tasteful fading motion were pictures of people dressed in ponyplay gear. I swore silently and slowly closed the lid, a bright flush spreading from underneath my shades all the way to my ears.

“You weren’t really supposed to see that” I said woodenly, I picked up my computer and stalked out of the room. I set the computer to charge and then lay facedown on the bed, almost not bothering to remove my sunglasses. He must have been pretty freaked out by what he saw; I mean that shit wasn’t even softcore.  
He probably though I was weird and gross now; a skinny, pink, sunglasses wearing, sword wielding monkey who showed off his collection of kink material to anyone who entered his abode.

I guess it would really be better if he left.


	4. E%it

I didn’t really remember going to sleep but I awoke to a soft nudge of my shoulder, Equius was there with a little worried look on his face, sunglasses clipped to his shirt. 

“I prepared a meal, I could bring it to you if you’d like,” he spoke, his quiet voice a calming rumble. I pushed myself up and swung my legs over to speak with him properly.

“Yeah, that’s be great, thanks Equius,” He nodded, blue eyes worried, and scuttled out of the room. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, bringing a hand up to rub on my forehead. Stupid stupid dumbdumb stupid, god Strider you are just losing it today. You used to be Dirk Strider, seducer of men and women alike and just this afternoon had turned you into Dirk Strider, pervert extraordinaire.

Equius walked back into the room, holding a glass of milk and a grilled cheese sandwich with a couple slices of red pepper and cucumber on the side. He handed me the glass and plate and then stood in front of me sort of awkwardly.

“I apologize for its simplicity, I could not think of anything else to make,” he spoke, impassive face angled down just enough to make his long hair fall like curtains on either side of his head. I took a drink of milk and then set the glass down,

“You’re allowed to sit, big guy,” I sort of patted the bed beside me. He looked up and then pursed his lips into a little fake smile. The whole bed shifted towards him when he sat down, like a great black hole in the shape of this blue-blood troll had just opened up in the room. He was silent for the longest of times as I ate beside him; his thumbs ran over the yellow nail of his other fingers as he waited.

I finished my bite of sandwich and he spoke, voice low and apologetic.

“I am sorry if I trespassed onto your personal business, it was rude of me to stare,” his thumbs continued worrying at the nails of his other fingers.

“Oh, yeah, no, that was totally my bad,” I took a drink of milk and continued speaking “I’m sorry you had to see that,” His ears, which had been flattened back up to this point, perked up once more. He turned a little more towards me, eyes betraying the fact that he had a question on his mind.

“If I may be so bold as to ask what l species of bipedal hoofbeast was on you computer? I was not aware that humans had such advanced genetic mi%ing at their disposal,” I nearly fell of the bed. Oh trying to explain this one was going to be a doozy. I put the plate down on my bedside table and tried to swallow down the growing sense of he’s going to be so disgusted by me he’ll never speak to me again oh my god I am just signing myself up to be slaughtered here.

“They aren’t really hoofbeasts, they’re people dressed as horses…for fun,” I explained, rolling my hands over each other as I spoke. Please don’t ask what for, please don’t ask what for. He processed this information with a little sad sigh.

“Oh, that’s rather disenchanting, I thought your race had come much farther,” Dodged the bullet of the millennium there Strider, good job, you’re now only half a prevent. Equius’s comment was a little backhanded but he didn’t enquire further and I was really okay with that.

“You have been more then hospitable, Strider, I thank you,” Equius stood, leaving a soft dent in my bed from where he sat. “But I must leave, once again I thank you,” He walked out of the room and I followed him, trailing a little behind him with my hands in my pockets and shoulders hunched.

He went to the hallway closet and took out his boots and coat, the side of which still stained with his blood and got ready to go. I wanted to say it; do you want to live with me? Seven easy little words but my tongue wouldn’t budge. He took his sunglasses off his shirt and flicked them open, setting them carefully on his face and then awkwardly stretching his arms out for a hug. I stood for a second, my mind still wrestling with my tongue, and then accepted the hug; my arms fit around his waist and his large limbs crossed over my back. He smelled a little like me now, a bit of zesty orange mixed in with the tang of his blood from his coat the his general musk of sweat. I wanted to say it, but my tongue remained still.

“I should leave you my card, you may contact me later so we may meet again, perhaps under better circumstances wherein I do not demolish your fine home furnishings,” I stepped back from the hug and the big troll fished in his coat pocket for his wallet, he produced a pale grey card with blue and black text on it and handed it to me. 

“Do send me an email, I would like to hear from you again,” he gave a quick flash of a smile, showing off two bright rows of jagged teeth. He turned and opened the door, giving me a final wave and then slipping out. I was silent for a minute, waiting for the door to open again and Equius to come back. The minute stretched to two, then five, and then my tongue gave up the fight and I said in a very small voice,

“Do you want to live with me?” the empty room swallowed up my words and returned with only silence.


	5. Of Robots and Snogging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you change te text colour and fonts and stuff?  
> I MUST KNOW.

The week that followed was a quiet one, I sent Equius emails every now and again and we started chatting about sparring and robots. He worked in a mechanic garage, specializing in domestic and sparring robots, and he sent pictures of the robots he built in his shop; dense sparring robots with glaring red eyes and pointed horns, sometimes with the odd grey arm or lank of black hair in the shot.

I in turn sent pictures of Squarewave, Brobot and Sawtoth II; explaining that my first Sawtooth got too smart and went AWOL a few years back, I hadn’t seen him since. It was nice to chat with him, he was pretty well versed in robotics and he gave me a load of pointers for my bots. I spent most of my days filing puppet porn and fixing my machines after my morning chats. 

It was a sunny Thursday when my inbox dinged happily; I walked over and sat down on the couch, careful not to spill my coffee on my bathrobe. It was yet another message from Equius:

**Strider,  
I w001d like to invite you to lunch today so we may discuss roboti% in person. How does 12:00 noon sound? My treat?  
D--> Equius Zahhak**

Oh my god, oh my felt-assed god. Equius Zahhak totally asked me out on a totally not a date date. I grinned widely and slurped down am coffee as I replied:

**Equius,  
I would love to go for lunch and compare robot notes, just tell me where and I’ll be there.   
Dirk Strider**

I sent the message and waited, I got a reply in seven minutes:

**Strider,  
E%celent, I live on main above the Grist Café on Main Street, we can have lunch there if you’d like. Please bring along the head of Sawtooth II, I w001d love to see how you’ve wired it for mental stability. Be sure to wear simple clothing, oil stains will be inevitable.  
D--> Equius Zahhak**

I gave a little, very girly squeal of delight; seeing Equius again would be great and him treating me to lunch was just too sweet. I finished my coffee and closed my laptop, grinning from ear to ear for what was in store for me today.

\---

I was out of the house at 11:50, the walk to main only took eight minutes but it never hurt to be early. I had slipped Sawtooth II’s head into a backpack along with a robotic version of Maplehoof that I had been tinkering with for a while, it was exactly the same size as Maplehoof but a deal stronger and it could fly. 

Flying miniponies are cool.

The Grist Café’s blue awning appeared ahead of me, I was close now. I doubled my walking pace and I was at the simple black door that led up to the apartments above.

I scanned the call buttons; each one had a little nametag beside it and a room number. It wasn’t hard to pick out Equius’s, written in large, clear capitals in dark blue pen, accompanied by a small arrow pointing up and off to the right. The Sagittarius symbol, Equius must of adopted it as his personal mark; all trolls chose a mark to define themselves didn’t they?

I pressed down the button and waited, the speaker clicked and crackled and then spoke with a cool, synthesized voice.  
“Zahhak residence, who is it?” inquired the voice.

“Dirk Strider, I’m here to get lunch with Equius and talk about robots,” I replied. There was the muffled sound of conversation just out of range of the microphone on the other end and then the synthesized voice came back.

“You may come up Mr. Strider, I’ll ring you in,” the speaker clicked off and the door lock disengaged. I cast one last look at his nametag before entering, he lived in apartment 10. I bounded up the stairs and knocked at his door.

I heard the whisper of servos as the door was opened and I was greeted with a face made of a blue LED array. The door opened wider and the rest of the doorman was revealed.

He was mostly white plastic with light grey silicone sleeves in his joints. The face was that of a smiling man with a mustache. The robot stepped out of the way and welcomed me in with a sweep of its arm. Equius stood a little in the door, wiping his hands on an oil rag. The robot closed the door behind me with a quiet click.  
“Hello Strider,” He greeted me and flashed me a quick grin, revealing that more of his teeth had grown in. He was wearing a black tank top with the same arrow symbol that I had seen on his nametag downstairs; it was bright blue like his blood.

“Hey big guy,” I smiled back and then I felt the nudge of a hand on my arm.

“I can hang your coat for you, Mr. Strider,” said the robot, extending its arm a little to accept my coat. 

“Thank you, and just Dirk is fine,” I removed my coat, draping it over the robot’s arm. I was also wearing a black tank top, the orange hat logo on the front starting to wear off with age. The robot nodded and walked over to a large closet behind Equius.

“Arthour won’t listen to you, he’s far too manner-bound to refer to you as anything other then Mr.” said Equius, he could speak for himself; he only referred to me as ‘Strider’. “Come this way, I’ll show you my workroom,” He walked into a simple room, large desk on one end, half assembled robot propped up on a stand off to the side and great rolls of blueprints everywhere. 

“Hot damn” I breathed; I dropped my backpack by the door and went to go look at the workings of the half made robot. The robot was solidly built with minimal seam work, it looked to be a light sparring bot; able to take a lot of hits but not give out as many. 

“How are you going to joint the arms and legs? You won’t be able to pull the same trick as you did with Arthour, the silicone wont stand up in a fight,” I brushed my thumb over the start of an elbow joint, the pad of my thumb coming away blackened with grease.

“I was designing that just now, I was basing it off ball jointed dolls but with a protective elbow coving that would double as an offensive point,” he snatched up a roll from the floor and unrolling it with a crinkle. 

Sure enough there was a plan sketched out in silver ink showing a small servo housed in a ball shaped casing with a pair of rods coming out either side to connect it to the arm sections, It would work on a set of gears and a small motor so that the upper and lower arm would work in time with each other. Truly brilliant planning.

“That’s enough ego stroking for now,” rumbled Equius, and he rerolled the plans. “Let’s have a 100k at Sawtooth II,” he set the paper on his desk and gave me a look, his eyes wide with childish curiosity. I picked up my bag again and unzipped it, rooting around for the head; the robot Maplehoof brushed against my fingers, I took it out of the bag first and set it on the table.

“Oh my, is that a…” Equius choked, big fingers lightly brushing over the metal plates and etched heart on its flank. “That’s a tiny robotic hoofbeast, isn’t it?”

“Yep, I made it as a companion for my other tiny hoofbeast, Maplehoof, she was getting lonely,” I shrugged and removed Sawtooth II’s head from the bag. 

“You really must give me the plans for this fine mechanical hoofbeast, I think…I-I need a towel,” Equius dashed out of the room and then promptly returned with a white towel draped over his shoulders.

“You really do get excited over tiny robot horses, don’t you?” I smiled and he nodded meekly, I filed this new information away for later. “Here’s Sawtooth II’s head” and I handed him the chrome dome. He took it gently in his hands turning it over and thumbing the material.

“E%celent construction, I would love to see inside it though,” I took it from his hands and turned it over, there was a small panel at the back held in place by a couple screws. I sat down at his worktable and picked out a pointed screwdriver.

I carefully undid the screws and set them on the table then pried up the panel and pulled it away. Inside was a number of circuit boards and a tiny hardrive, I pulled out each section and laid it out beside the head; long rainbows of wires trailing after it.

These were only to store Sawtooth II’s memory and reasoning functions, the motor skills and battle programming would be stored in his body. Equius leaned over my shoulder, hastily dabbing at his forehead with the towel.

“My stars and garters, this is tr001ly magnificent work,” he pointed a thick finger to a couple more boards still inside the head, “What are those for?” he asked.

“Those are navigation boards, so he doesn’t get lost, and a face and pattern recognition system,” Equius gave a big grin and patted his face dry again.

“Excuse me sirs, would you like some lunch?” asked Arthour from the doorway, his blue LED face still showing that mustachioed smiling face. Equius gave me a questioning look, I nodded.

“Yes Arthour, lunch would be great,” he turned to me and added “He can go downstairs to the café and fetch us some lunch, they know him down there,” I nodded again and addressed Arthour. I had been to the café often enough with Roxy, I knew exactly what to order.

“I would like a BLT, easy on the mustard and a glass of orange juice” I looked at Equius, “and…what are you going to get?”

“Oh yes, um, their soup of the day, mushroom I think, yes a serving of their soup of the day and a glass of milk. Thank you Arthour, you are dismissed” the pale robot gave a little nod bow and left the apartment.

\---

Arthour returned promptly, my BLT warm from the sandwich press and Equius’s soup steaming. We ate quickly and then worked on Equius’s sparring robot together. I watched with wide eyes as he deftly bent metal pieces with his bare hands and fitted them to the robot. I tinkered with the joint system, adjusting the fittings between pipes with a small wrench and swiftly getting my hands covered in machine grease.

We ran programs off Equius’s computer, watching for bugs as the silver elbow bent and the hydraulic bicep flexed. The machine ran without a hitch; the program ran again and again, each time as perfect as the last. I stopped the program and the arm returned to its side. I slid the computer off my lap and stood up, giving a little grunt as I stretched.

Equius was sitting on a low set of drawers that doubled as a bench; I sat beside him and have a happy sigh.

“Good work man, really good work,” I grinned and Equius turned and smiled back. His smile closed but he remained looking at me, blue eyes flicking over my face under his sunglasses. He reached up and swiped his thumb over his tongue, then rubbed a little at what I assume was an oil smear on my cheek.

“I’ve found that saliva helps to break down the oil compound, making for easier cleaning,” he stated. It was a little gross but I was too busy freaking out about him touching me to notice really. His hand was still there, palm now cupping the side of my face.

If my brain could barely process his touch on my face, I bet it just about shut down when he moved in and pressed his lips to mine, a bit awkward and sloppy, but still a kiss. His mouth shifted, giving me another gentle kiss, I snapped out of it and went into full bore osculation mode. I softened my mouth and welcomed his, waiting for his tongue to slide in and run over my teeth.

He didn’t do that, he just continued kissing my lips, happy, slow kisses that were progressively getting better and more playful. His hand was still on my face, thumb brushing on my cheek. I slid my tongue into his mouth and ran it over his sharp fangs, he gave a little confused rumble, eyes fluttering open for a second before closing again and mimicking the action with his own. My hand found his waist, brushing up underneath the black fabric and trailing over the crescent of raised scars left by the bottle from a couple weeks ago.

“Please pardon me for intruding but…Oh,” It was Arthour, standing pale and awkward at the doorway, tray in his hands to take out plates away. Equius quickly disengaged and shifted away from me, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. There was silence, unbearably tense silence and then Equius spoke, voice quiet and a little menacing.

“Dirk, I think it’s time for you to leave,” I nodded and stood, understanding the sheer force of will that Equius was using to not tear Arthour’s head off for interrupting. I gathered my things, stuffed them into my bag and then breezed past the white servant-bot and out the door into the hall. 

I turned, not breathing for fear of not hearing, and waited. Silence, and then a grumble that built into a roar and the shriek of tearing metal. I turned tail and fled, down the stairs and out the front, rain falling on my face in greeting.


	6. A Challenger Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically one big fight scene, skip if you dont want to read. 
> 
> Tl;dr; Equius gets knocked out and Dirk saves him

It had been a week and six days since Arthour’s unwelcome interruption. A week and six days since I kissed one big blue blooded troll on the lips. A week and six days since I heard him say my first name. A week and six days since our last email conversation. I had tried to contact him, starting email after email but only to store them in my drafts and forget about them. Thursday’s weather was grey and drizzily, not helping my bummed mood in the slightest. 

I filtered and streamed puppet porn without mirth, robot building lost its joy, and even the efforts of Maplehoof to try and cheer me were for nil. Equius wasn’t talking to me and that made all the difference. The day dragged past, morning turning to noon and finally to night. 

I wanted to sleep, sure I wanted many things along with sleep but none of them would come to me so why should sleep come either? I scrolled through my earlier conversations with Equius, lingering on the pictures where there was a lank of black hair, or a glimpse of grey skin. My inbox dinged, I disregarded it, it was only another ate night submission to my plushrump collection, I’d sort it out later.

My inbox dinged again, this time with a different sound, a custom sound that I had applied to all incoming emails from Equius. I clicked the email and opened it:

**I’m coming over now.**

That’s all it said, not as a question but as a statement. I read it over again; he was coming over to my apartment in roughly six to seven minutes, less if he was walking fast, even less if he was running. I closed my laptop and paced, what was he coming over for? Was he angry with me? Did he need to tell me a breakthrough? Did I need to put on pants for this?

I agreed with the last question, pants were necessary for social interaction; I walked into my room, picked out a pair of sweatpants and pulled them over my heart boxers. I straightened out my shirt, smoothing out the large green skull logo on the front, I had received it as a gift from a friend a while back.

I heard it then; a solid whack of a blunt object connecting with a head, a familiar roar of anger. Laughter, high hitching laughter mixed with honking, and then another meaty sounding whack. I lunged for my sword and dashed out of the apartment; I was out of the building in seconds flat and what I saw wasn’t appealing. A tall-horned troll, holding what looked to be a club, was standing in the middle of the street. Beneath him was the crumpled shape of another troll, arrow shaped horns with the tip of one broken off sprouting from his head. 

The standing troll leaned down and clutched at Equius’s neck, I head the soft murmur of his voice as he expressed his plans to rip him wide motherfucking open and paint the prettiest of pictures with his motherfucking dirty peasant blood.

I tore off the sheath and rushed him, the standing troll saw me coming and danced back, club flipping in his hands. I stood in between him and Equius, glaring at the troll and keeping my sword steadily pointed at his chest.

“Well, motherfuck, looks like my trespassing scum brother has some motherfucking backup,” he grinned, revealing a mess of sharp teeth “Ain’t that just motherfucking great?” I wanted to punch this guy out.

“No it really isn’t. This ‘brother’ is under my protection, assbaka, and you should know that touching other’s people’s stuff is rude,” Did I just use assbaka as an insult? I had no time to worry over my choice of verbal abuses because the troll launched himself at me, club swinging and a smile on his face.

He was sloppy and I dodged easily, slicing along the back of his shirt and drawing a long line of purple blood with my sword. I turned and blocked another swing, clocking him in the face with a right hook that sent him sprawling. He jumped up again, dropping his club and going for my eyes, I made a slash at his gut, slicing open his shirt and carving another long line of purple across his belly. He collapsed, arm over his new wound and a grimace on his face, I held my ground.

“If you don’t back right the fuck off I’ll cut you again, deeper, down where the sun don’t shine and I’ll let you bleed out here on the street,” The purpleblood stiffened at the thought and then scampered off, honking and making half-hearted statements of ‘I’ll come back and fuck you up, motherfucker’.

I dropped down and laid my sword on the ground, quickly placing my fingers on Equius’s neck for a pulse. It was there, a little weak, but stable. I pressed my hands to his cheeks, turning his head a little and checking for wounds; he hand a couple finger shaped bruises on his neck where that whacked out purpleblood was choking him and a forming black eye and cheek bruise from where he must have been hit with the club.

“C’mon big guy, I can’t lift you up the stairs myself. Please wake up blue, wake up for me,” I muttered, the quiet night making my words sound louder then they were. I was hesitant at first, but I bent down and kissed him, hoping madly that the powers of Disney were with me tonight.

I pulled away and just like Sleeping Beauty, Equius awoke. His eyes were a bit wild and unfocused but I held his head firmly in place, directing his gaze to my face.

“Morning, sunshine,” I grinned; I let go of his face and stood to help him up. “That highblood came around again, really did a number on your head,” Equius accepted my arm up and leaned on me for support.

“I th-thought I saw death,” he stammered, hand pressed around the base of his unbroken horn as if he feared it would fall off. “A green skull, red b100d, and you weren’t-t there,” he bit his lip, I did my best to hide the skull logo on my shirt.

“Let’s get you inside and cleaned up,” I led him gently; one hand on his stomach, the other on the small of his back, one of his own great arms was slung over my shoulders. “You’ll feel better lying down” and with that we trudged to the door and up the stairs to my apartment, leaving my sword and the troll’s club lying on the street.


	7. Worry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WTF even are my chapter titles.
> 
> Seriously.

I was lucky to get him to my room before he collapsed, his body just gave out and he sprawled on top of the covers. I did my best to remove his clothing and get him under the covers so at least he would be comfortable while passed out.

I slept on the couch that night, waiting for the sound of a groan or shift in the bedroom to signal that Equius was awake. I drifted off late into the night and then awoke what felt to me seconds later with the sunshine of a new day streaming through the windows.

I sat up and stretched, groaning as my spine found its proper alignment; this couch wasn’t at all comfortable, I felt sorry that Equius slept on it while he was hurt. I stood up too quickly, suffering an almost nausea enduing wave of headrush, then went to make some coffee.

I made toast as well, slathering on bright red-pink raspberry jam onto the crisply golden-brown toast. I took my cup of coffee and my toast and went to my room, hoping that the smell of food would wake Equius. 

I pulled a chair close to his bed and sat down, nibbling at my toast and taking tiny sips of my coffee to drag out the time. He looked like an angel, pale and calm, but the bruises and horns kind of ruined the look; more lake a handsome devil caught in a bar fight. His chest rose and fell softly, his breath making an almost cute whine as it left his nose.

I tried to make my toast and drink last but my hunger took over and soon I was sitting with a dirty plate and empty cup, I sighed, stood up and left. I showered quickly, barley letting my conditioner seep into my hair before rinsing it out for fear Equius waking up without me. Most of my hair products were in my room, but I didn’t want to risk Equius waking up to an unobstructed view of my wet junk so I just toweled it the best I could.

I looked at myself in the mirror; Bright orange eyes with light bags underneath them from a shitty night’s sleep, long blonde hair hanging limply off my scalp in a mullet, medium shoulders also dusted with freckles and sculpted with muscle underneath my light skin. I looked a little like the big troll that was currently occupying my bed; the long hair and the strong build echoed the black curtains and broad shoulders of the blueblood. I sighed and pulled on last nights clothing, once again smoothing the green skull logo with my hand.

I checked up on Equius all throughout the day; confirming his movements, or lack thereof, and if he was still breathing. It was a little nerve wracking, I didn’t know how he was going to heal up and if he would wake up to remember anything at all. 

Dammit Equius, I’m a puppet porn master, not a troll doctor!

I flicked through my saved files, opening a few video files of puppet smut to make sure they were okay for the site. I watched them without sound; plush proboscis between equally plush rumps, the longing glare of googly eyes, and the squeak of bedsprings as the wrestled on their puppet sized beds.

Wait. I had turned the sound off; the bed squeak had come from my room. I snapped my laptop shut, threw it on the couch, and made a mad dash to my room. Equius had sat up in bed, hand clutched to his swollen eye. I swallowed down the rising tide of joy building in my chest and greeted him.

“Morning sunshine,” I moved forward and sat on the end of the bed “How’d you feel?” He was silent, kneading the inflammation of his eye with the pads of his fingers.

“E%cuse my vulgarity,” he replied, voice a little creaky from disuse, “But I feel like a pile of hoofbeast e%crement,” Oh my god, even his vulgar terms were cute.

“Do you need a Tylenol? Something to drink? Food?” I asked

“A dose of pain medication and food and drink would be appreciated,” He swung is legs put of the bed and attempted to stand. He tried to take a shaky step, but pitched forward instead, I dove for his arm and I pulled him up. He regained his balance with a tight grip on my arm.

“Thank you, Dirk,” he paused “Your hair is…” he pointed to the base of his skull. I pulled a hand back, checking my hair. It was long enough that I had pulled it up into a small poofy ponytail.

“Yeah, didn’t bother styling it today, I was busy worrying over your worrisome troll ass,” I smiled and led him out of the room. He smiled a little too, which made my heart do little achy flips in my chest.

I sat him down at the table and started frying up a proper breakfast; scrambled eggs with cheese, toast, milk juice and coffee, and a couple sliced apples on the side. Equius was quiet the whole time, waiting patiently for his breakfast. When I set the heaping plate in front of him he gave a chuckle.

“This is grand, Dirk, even Arthour would be put to shame at a spread like this,” I smiled and thanked him, then fetched him the Tylenol form the bathroom. I opened it and shook out a couple tablets, then I shook out a few more to compensate for his size, then I put them all back because he’s an alien and how the fuck should I know how their bodies react to human drugs. I brought the bottle of pills to the table and set it in front of him.

“I wasn’t sure how many you needed,” I said. He nodded and then opened the bottle himself shook out three pills and snapped them back without even touching his glass of milk. He closed the bottle and handed it back to me. I put it back in the bathroom and then sat down once more.

“How long was I out for?” asked Equius as he scooped up a section of egg with his fork.

“Well, you were out for the rest of the night after that dumbass highblood nearly beat your head in,” I did some quick math in my head, “You were probably out for around, ehh, ten hours,” Equius looked worried.

“Where did you sleep, I woke up in your bed with no signs that you were there,” His eyes were a little sad, a cold hand wrapped itself round my heart.  
“I was out here on the couch. It’s cool though, you needed the space and the rest,” I gave him a smile, which must of looked pretty fake because Equius looked away, scowling.

“I did not mean to be a burden, I apologize,” he looked back at me “I did not hear the highblood coming, I am sorry that I inconvenienced you again with my injuries,”  
“Nawh, it’s fine, and anyways I nearly sliced that guy wide open, he won’t be coming back,” I smiled and Equius looked at me, agape.

“You fought the highblood…and won? Incredible,” he shook his head, his hair tossing back and forth over his shoulders. The rest of the meal was silent.

\---

The day dragged on, I watched more puppet videos and Equius took a shower and changed into a set of sweatpants and one of my big t-shirts. 

“May I use your computer Dirk? I must contact my employer and inform them of my unscheduled absence before they fire me,” I nodded and logged off my account on the laptop, I had reset the screensaver since Equius’s first visit; there wouldn’t be any chance of him spying some ponyplayers now. I stood up from my place on the couch and handed the laptop to Equius, who promptly took the vacancy on the couch.

He tossed his damp hair over his shoulder with annoyance, flicking the dark strands away from his face. I saw my chance and took it.

“If you want I could braid your hair back for you,” I offered, I had practiced with Roxy’s hair often enough, making a pair of short pigtails braids with her platinum blonde hair.

“You w001d? Thank you Dirk,” He gave me a smile and I walked off to get a comb and elastic, my heart singing in my chest. I sat behind the end of the couch; Equius’s head at the proper height to work comfortably. 

I untangled his hair with short strokes from the ends to the roots until it all hung straight. He purred happily as I combed it out, strange how a body that big can produce a sound that would be more fitting of a small cat. I then scraped it back from his face and gathered it into my hand, splitting the hair into three sections with my fingers. The movements were easy to remember; twist two, trade, twist two, trade, over and over again, pulling the plaits tight so his hair wouldn’t end up fluffy.

I twisted the elastic at the end and snapped it, pleased with my work. Equius smoothed a hand back over his widow’s peak and around his horns, feeling the twisting pattern of hair underneath his fingers. He leaned his head back and beamed at me, one eye still a little shut and flushed blue, but a great smile nonetheless.  
“Thank you,” and he turned his attention back to the computer in his lap.

“I’m going to go take a nap, wake me when you’re done with the laptop?” Equius nodded and I picked up the comb, returning it to the bathroom and then walking into my room and crawling into the bed; I fell asleep almost instantly, last night’s horrible sleep catching up with me and knocking me out.


	8. Confessions at the Dinnertable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG my chapter titles keep getting shittier.

It was late when Equius woke me, I regretted taking a nap almost instantly; my sleeping pattern would be fucked up for days. He had been finished with the laptop for two hours and a half but he knew how uncomfortable that couch was and how much I really needed my rest so he let me sleep on. 

He had cleaned up from breakfast, tidied around the house, and made a meal for us. I stumbled out of the bed and ate with him, the food was good but I could see where he cut corners, I had to go buy groceries soon. He was silent for the longest time, and then as I finished up my meal he spoke.

“I had something to tell you last night Dirk, it was the reason I came over in the first place,” Important information? I was all ears.

“Yeah, I have something to tell you too,” I was time to say it, tell the big troll that I was hopelessly crushing on him and that he could totally leave right now because who would want to live with a greasy-ass human monkey that doesn’t style their hair in the morning and flashes their kink pictures in your face when you’re wounded. Equius gave a little nod and sat back in his chair, a wordless go-ahead.

“Alright,” whoo, you have one chance here Dirk, don’t fuck it up too much, “So ever since you came to my door bleeding, well not really ever since then it was a little later that I really started noticing you but whatever, that’s aside form the point. The thing is that I…really…kinda…” Dammit Dirk, stop stalling, “I find you really attractive,” Oh yeah that was really fucking smooth, Strider, “And I really actually like you as more then just a friend that build sweet robots and shows up at my door with injuries,” Okay, better, but you’re still killing it, “And like it’s 100% your choice here but, like, maybe, could you live with me and be my boy…friend and like yeah?”

There was silence.

“Yeah, okay, that was a painful verbal train wreck, I’m going to go to bed, goodnight Equius.” I stood up and took my plate into the kitchen and then walked to the back of the couch, flipped over it while pulling the blanket that was folded over its back over me and did my best to get comfortable. 

The silence thickened, I could hear my heartbeat and breath loud in my ears, not to mention the nearly unbearable sound of Equius breathing, trying to understand that I had just taken my heart out and placed it in front of him on the table. There was the scrape of his chair and the clink of cutlery as he cleared away his plate, and then footsteps. 

Soft footsteps that approached the couch, walked around it, and then paused in front of me. Then there were his arms, his large grey arms that picked me off the couch and carried me, still wrapped in the blanket, into my room.

Equius sat on the bed, still holding me, and spoke in his quiet rumbling voice.

“You never let me tell you what I had to say,” Oh, damn it Strider, first your commit verbal murder and then you don’t even let your guest put in their two cents? Good job, gold star, you fucking tried. “I understand that you have feelings for me Dirk, or at least that’s what I hope you meant, and I must say something to you of the same nature. Dirk, I am quite flushed for you. I have fallen horns over hooves for you, and I would enjoy it most greatly if you become my Matesprit,”

Oh. Oh oh _oh_. Oh. He likes me, he fucking likes me back, he is reciprocating my feelings of love in the strange, troll quadrant, let’s-represent-relationships-with-card-suits sort of way. I looked at him, happy flush spreading from ear to ear. He looked down at me, his right eye still bruised and partly closed but his eyes showed nothing but pure happiness and love.

“So, you like me and I like you and…” I tried to sum it up in my head, what was the name for troll lovers again? “We’re now totally Matesprit-Boyfriends, or something?” Equius sighed and gave a little half quirked smile.

“Yes you goshdarned sillyface, we are now Matesprit-Boyfriends,” and just like that one day in his work room, Equius Zahhak bent down and kissed me, and this time he gently pressed his tongue into my mouth and ran it over my teeth.


	9. The Questions We Ask When We're Naked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS A LITTLE NSFW, LOOK UP AND CHECK FORR CEILING CATS BEFORE READING ON.

It was nice to wake up next to another body instead of just the rest of the empty bed; Equius had fallen asleep with one of his big arms draped over my midsection, a little reminder that we were now totally boyfriends and I wasn’t going to get out of his reach for the next few days. 

I remembered the kiss from last night, but not the subsequent part after that where we had stripped down to our underwear and gotten into bed together, but obviously that was a thing that happened because here we were, naked except for our underwear, and sharing my bed.

I turned over as slowly and gently as I could as to not wake him, a whole two minutes passed and I was barely halfway turned. It took me a while but I was now facing him, his grey face calm as it rested on the pillow. I reached out and brushed my finger along the bottom curve of his lips, then over the top curve. My finger trailed over his cheekbone and then around his eye socket, careful of the bruise that was still there but the swelling seemed to have vanished overnight. My finger traced his brow and then down the soft bump in the middle of his sharp nose to the little dip just beneath it and then over his lips again, feeling their curve with my fingertip.

His eyes opened slowly, his pupils readjusting to the diffuse morning sunrise coming through the blinds. He blinked and gave a sleepy smile and then pulled me closer with his arm. Our foreheads touched and he stared into my eyes with absolute adoration; he must have been really smitten with me, which was fair considering how much I loved him back.

“G’mornin’ big guy,” I said in a half-whisper, nuzzling his nose with my own.

“Good morning, Dirk” He grinned and nuzzled back. I set my head as close as I could to his on the pillows, noses brushing, and kissed him; he pressed his hand into my back and pulled me even closer, softening his mouth to meet with mine.

I snaked my arm under his and pressed it into his back, feeling the little ripples and divots of musculature under my fingertips. I rubbed his back and he produced a low, thrumming purr in his gut. 

It was nice to be like this, laying with another person and just touching. I broke off the kiss, pulling my lower lip away from his gentle bite.

“That was the most restful sleep I have ever had without sopor,” He rumbled, once again touching foreheads and looking at each other. 

“Maybe that’s just one of the benefits that comes with getting a human Matesprit,” I grinned. Equius removed his arm and rolled over, reaching to the nightstand and groping for a clock.

He picked it up and looked at it, he huffed and set back on the table and sat up. He swung his legs out of the bed and stood up but I grabbed his hand in an effort to make him stay. He turned and looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and a little smile as if to say Dirk, seriously? 

“Dirk, it’s midday and well past time to get up,” he moved to leave but I tightened my grip.

“C’mon, it’s Friday, what are you going to do on Friday that requires getting up at midday?” I was a proper question, I didn’t have any big plans and I was pretty sure that Equius wasn’t going back to work with a concussion.

“I need to have a shower, put on some proper clothing and have a meal, other then that nothing,” he turned to leave again but I sat up, crawled over the bed and wrapped my arms around his neck and legs about his waist, clinging to him like a koala on a tree trunk. He gave a big sigh and I felt him place his hands on his hips, just beneath where my thighs rested.

“Dirk, I am going to take a shower weather you remove yourself or not, you cannot stop me,” he was still happy, which was good; an angry morning Equius was not high on my list of things I wanted to encounter a second time.

“Nuh-un, watch me big guy,” he strode out of the room and into the bathroom where he proceeded to run a shower, he didn’t wrap an arm around me or make any noises of effort; it was like he was wearing a shirt made of Dirk Strider.

“One last chance Dirk, remove yourself or suffer the consequences of an impromptu shower.” He was looking at me, head sort of turned to look at my own that rested on his shoulder.

“You wouldn’t dare,” I sneered. He shook his head and pulled off his boxers.

“No, Equius, no,” he slowly stepped into the tub and I felt the misty spray on my lower back. “Eq, no why, jeez, stop Equius, Equius!” He was now fully in the tub and I could feel the butt of my underwear start to dampen.

“Equius!” I shouted as he stepped under the shower, my underwear was soaked through in seconds and my hair was clinging to my face in a sodden heap, I pulled away from his shoulder and gave him a little kid pout.

“Frick you,” I detached myself from him and stepped out of the shower. Equius laughed and pulled the curtain across the stall. I exchanged my boxers for a towel and vacated the premises to let Equius have his shower. I flung my wet boxers into the laundry hamper and then toweled myself off.

I stretched out on the bed; towel over my junk, and hands clasped behind my head and thought on what I needed to do today. I needed to get on the updates for Plushrump, I had been lax with them as of late and I would lose subscribers, and money. We needed groceries too; I was out of a long list of things, many of them necessary, like Nutella; that shit basically ran the Strider household. The shower cut off in the bathroom and the hinges of the bathroom door squeaked back and forth a few times as Equius fanned out the steam.

I gathered my towel around my hips, holding it in place with my hand, and walked into the bathroom again. Equius had the decency to also cover himself, which I silently thanked him for; it would be an inopportune time to spy on my new boyfriends junk.

“I still have conditioner in my hair, I will need the shower again in a little while, do not be too long,” he commented as I ran a shower of my own. 

“Alright,” I replied and then dropped my towel and daintily stepped into the deliciously hot water of the shower. Equius remained in the washroom, humming quietly to himself. I ran through my hair care regiment; skipping over the extra rinses for times sake. I had just run the conditioner through my blonde mop when Equius spoke again.

“Are you nearly done, I sh001d rinse out this hair product soon” he was a little whiny in his tone; I stuck my head out of the shower and gave him a lecherous little grin.

“Why don’t you come in here with me then, I’ll help you rinse it out,” He flushed a little, met my gaze, and then flushed even more when he realized I wasn’t joking.

“That is…Quite a 100d notion, Dirk,” he sighed and met my gaze again, an equally lewd grin playing over his lips, “But if you are serious, I guess I have no choice,” He dropped his towel and stepped into the shower.

His eyes remained fixed on my face as we switch places, his large frame forcing me out of the hot stream. He turned, letting the cascade of water pour over his head and horns. He sighed as I started working out the milky conditioner from his hair, black strands sliding through my fingers and over my knuckles like silk. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned, water dripping over his brow and off his nose.

“Swap places with me,” I instructed, he nodded and took a step back and to the side. I slipped past him, hip brushing his crotch, I felt the brush of hair down there; good, I don’t think I would be able to cope with hairless alien junk, let alone alien junk itself.   
He didn’t touch me; he just kind of stood there a little behind me. I turned my head back and gave him a smirk as his eyes snapped up from my rear to connect with mine.

“Enjoying the view, Eq?” he blushed darkly, “It’s nice to stare at, and even better to touch, don’t-cha know,” his flush darkened another three shades.

“I feel depraved for staring,” he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my chest, once again that fuzz brushed over my skin. “But if you say it is alright, then I guess my wickedness can be waived just this once,” One of his hands left my body and moved to my hair where he started to smooth out the conditioner. 

I leaned back against him, enjoying the water and his touch. If humans could purr, I would be doing it right now. The hand that was still on my body thumbed the skin in the middle of my chest, pressing into the little divot of my sternum. His other hand stopped running over my hair and instead rested on the nape of my neck.

“The shower’s getting a little cold Equius,” he gave an understanding hmm and let go of me, backing out of the shower and holding the curtain open for me. I shut off the water and stepped out too, nabbing a towel off the ground and quickly covering myself. Equius wasn’t as covered as I, he held the towel in front of his crotch but made no move to wrap it around his waist; I gave fleeting glances to his hips and waist, seeing the end of a dark happy trail leading from underneath the towel. Yes, hell yes, happy trails were the best.

“W001d you mind braiding my hair again?” he asked, free hand tucking a few strands of loose hair behind his long ears.

“Sure thing, just wait on the bed and I’ll get the brush and elastic,” I smiled, his hair was so nice to work with and it gave me infinite pleasure to hear him purr like that. Equius nodded and walked out of the bathroom, giving me a full view of his rear. It looked like it was pure muscle without any give to it; I wish I could have grabbed it right then.

I walked into the bedroom after Equius, brush in hand and crawled onto the bed behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed as I brushed out his hair in long strokes, being careful of his horns as to not knock them with the brush. He purred, I grinned, and then my hand slipped on the brush; the back of my fingers stroked over the side of his broken horn as the brush fell into my lap.

His purr deepened momentarily and then stopped, he turned, eyebrow quirked. 

“Sorry, brushed slipped, touched your horn, did I hurt you?” he shook his head and replied.

“Goodness no, when horns are rubbed it feels most rela%ing,” he tilted his head, offering them to me to touch. I reached out and looped my fingers around his unbroken horn; stroking up and down its length. His eyes fluttered closed and his mouth hung open a little as he purred like a motorboat.

“I’m going to need to stop for a bit here to finish your braid, then I’ll give you all the horn rubs you want,” I let go of his horn and he blinked. He turned back to me and I finished tying his hair back. I scooted up the bed and propped myself up on some pillows he crawled forward and then lay down with his face on my stomach and arms spread over my legs.

I brushed up his horn again, enjoying its smooth texture under my fingers. He purred and purred, I could feel the vibrations moving through the bed. I kneaded my fingers into the fleshy base of his horns and he gave a pleased moan. His horns were only a little ways away from my face; I decided to test something. I leaned forward and licked to point of his horn; he shuddered, breath hitching in his chest.

I licked it again, brushing soft kisses along its point; Equius’s breath caught in his throat and turned into a whine. With another soft kiss it turned into a mewl. Oh I was having far too much fun coaxing these sounds out of him. I stroked my fingers down his horn a few more times and then smoothed my hand on the back of his head.

There sound of Equius’s now quiet purr, the tick of my clock, the sounds of our breath. We were both half naked and I had basically given Equius a horn job; it seemed like the perfect time to ask him. I spoke, voice quiet as to not disturb the moment too much;

“Do you want to live with me, Equius?”


	10. Groceries and Dirty Thoughts

There was that horrible silence again, the prickly tense silence that froze time and space. The same silence that came before the sound of Equius roaring and tearing metal with his bare hands.

His head shifted on my stomach, face turning to look at me with his deep blue eyes. Such honest eyes; they spoke in volumes even when he said nothing. They said I love you last night when he held me, they said run that afternoon in his apartment, and they said thank you that night when he first came to my door.

Now they said nothing, a pair of navy voids staring at me in place of his eyes. He pursed his lips, and breathed a sigh through his nose.

“I w001d like to discuss it over a meal,” Damn, close but no cigar. He eased himself up and off the bed, towel now wrapped around his waist as he looked for a pair of pants to wear. I did likewise, dressing quickly and placing my sunglasses on my face; shielding my equally honest eyes from Equius’s.

\---

Lunch was sparse, the sandwiches thin and the side plate of vegetables meager in size, I really needed to go shopping today. Equius had his own sunglasses on, peering over the top of them every now and again as he munched on his sandwich. He swallowed and began speaking;

“So, I assume that I w001d be moving into your apartment?” I nodded, “And we would live together permanently, sharing income and suchlike things?” another nod.

“Yeah, I would have to clear some space and all and reorganize the work room to fit both of our tables…that is if you want to,” I didn’t want to impose, but I couldn’t get any headway into the topic unless the told me a definite yes or no.

“Oh, yes, sorry. I w001d like to live with you Dirk, I’m just not sure how my possessions are going to fit in your household,” he replied, flashing a smile before taking another bite of his sandwich. Oh god he said it, not only was he now my boyfriend but he wanted to live with me too.

“That’s great! I don’t know half the cra-crud that’s around here,” I sipped my water, quickly bringing attention away from my half-cocked cuss cover-up, “Hey but it’s no big deal, we can get it sorted,” I finished my sandwich and picked up my plate, walking into the kitchen as Equius followed close behind. To took his plate and set in the sink with my own, then turned to leave. 

Equius blocked my path, hands resting to either side of me on the counter and leaning in close. His glasses were too dark to see his eyes, so I had no idea of his intentions. He shifted closer and kissed me, arms snugging up to my sides and his body pressing into my own.

He mumbled something, his words garbled as our lips pressed together, he stopped kissing me, resting our foreheads together and looking at me over his sunglasses.

“I must ask one more thing of you, Dirk,” he spoke, voice low “Just fear me, love me, do as I say,” I shivered, “And in return, I will be your slave.” He leaned in again, biting softly along my jaw and then down my neck. I groaned and arched into him; god if he knew how much I wanted to say yes, it would stop him cold. I didn’t agree though, that would be giving up, and Striders never surrender without a fight.

“Heh,” He stopped nipping at my neck and looked at me again, eyes still serious. “Submit and obey, huh?” I cocked a smile as my hand trailed up and drew a heart on his chest with my finger, “Not without a fight, big boy.” 

His determined glare melted away in a grin, and he then grabbed me up in a bear hug that lifted me off the ground. He marched out of the kitchen then swung me around, I shrieked happily. He set me down again, hands loosening from where they had held me and sliding down my waist to rest on my hips, still grinning with his sunglasses a little down his nose. I’m sure he would ask me again, but I wouldn’t give up; no, I was never going to give up until he broke first.

“I need to go buy some groceries, wanna come with?” I asked.

“Can we go to my house first? Although your clothing fits for the most part, I do not think it’s socially acceptable to have a shirt this tight in public,” He let go of me and flexed for emphasis, muscles pressing up against the fabric. “I assume this is what one would refer to as ‘seeing the gun show’?” I laughed and replied.

“Sure thing, big guy. Make sure Arthour knows that you’re okay and now totally my boyfriend and stuff,” I turned and walked to the door, pulling Equius’s and my coat from the closet. 

\---

We were out of the apartment and into my car in a matter of seconds, Equius had to nearly fold himself in half to fit in my beaten up Toyota. I drove down main and parked, Equius got out and dashed up the stairs to his apartment. He was back down the stairs in a couple minutes wearing jeans, a navy shirt that was nearly as tight as the one he had just been wearing, a leather jacket, and his trademark busted shades. He slid back into the car and I peeled out.

“Arthour was up in such a fuss, poor old bot,” He gave a little nervous laugh, “I hope he doesn’t call the police,”

“Yeah, that would be hell to clear up,” I agreed, the rest of the ride was silent. My mind rolled over Equius’s words as I parked; Fear me, love me, do as I say, and in return, I will be your slave. I wanted to agree, wanted to tell him I would do just what he likes and bow my head to him. But at the same time I wanted him to bow to me first, let him know that he could have me on all fours only if he was there first. Mmm, the though of Equius like that brought up the dirtiest little thoughts. 

Equius unfolded himself from the car and waited for me. I too exited the car and fell into step beside him, hands in coat pockets and whistling a non-song. We walked into the grocery store and picked up a couple baskets, then after careful consideration we put the baskets back and took out a cart.

I unfolded my list and started reading it through, hands hovering over the produce and then picking out the nicest fruits and placing them in my cart. I sent Equius off to fetch some milk, yogurt, eggs and cheese out of the dairy section as I continued to pick out fruits and vegetables. I watched his braid sway at his waist and horns bob up and down as he walked away. 

I surveyed the rest of the grocery store, there were few other people shopping aside from Equius and I; a short-horned troll in a red sweater droned about the growing procedures of organic lemons to the produce manager, a tall girl with long black hair and big glasses mopped the floor under the bulk bins, a pair of horn-tips peeked over the top of a faygo drink machine, a blonde with a pink scarf hovered by the olives, scrutinizing their labels with a hand on her chin and a black pout. I recognized her immediately.

“Yo, Roxy!” I called, the blonde turned, her gaze traveling over the heads in the store. Her face lit up when she saw me and she gave an enthusiastic wave.

“Dirk!” her pink sneakers squeaked on the floor as she sauntered over and wrapped me up in a hug. “How’ve you been, feels like I haven’t seen you in months!”

“I’ve been good, I recently go a roommate,” she nodded approvingly.

“Good to hear, I always thought you needed someone to keep an eye on your silly ass,” she reached up and gave my cheek a pinch; Roxy was one of the nicest girls I’d ever met, second only to Jane. I batted her hand away and brushed a strand of her bleached hair back into her swooped bangs. She was as dear as the sun itself and just as happy and bright. 

“So, who’s your new roomie? They cute? Think I gotta chance?” she grinned and wagged her eyebrows. I returned her smile.

“Well, he’s pretty hansome but I don’t think you’ve got a - Oh speak of the devil,” Equius approached with arms full of dairy, I took the items out of his grasp, placed them in the cart, and turned back to make introductions.

“Roxy Lalonde, this is Equius Zahhak” I touched Equius lightly on the elbow and waved my hand between the two, an invitation to make further introductions. Roxy was silent and then leaned over to me, hand beside her mouth.

“He’s got horns,” she whispered “and grey skin. You sure about this Strider?”

“E%cuse me, miss Lalonde, but I am quite capable of hearing your personal remarks,” he gave a little frown “I apologize if my appearance is a bit off-putting, It comes with being of a noble b100d,” Roxy froze, eyes switching between Equius’s serious face and my own slightly embarrassed expression. She straightened, walked up close to Equius, and stared at him with her hands on her hips.

Equius wilted under her gaze, succumbing to sweating and grinding his teeth as Roxy continued to scrutinize him. 

“Highblood huh? Alternian?” He nodded. Her eyes passed over him once, then twice “12 sweeps?” Another nod. Roxy could tell so much by just looking at a person; no matter how much you tried to cover yourself up Roxy could cut through that and see exactly what you were, your age and what your current state of affairs was.

“You’re dating him aren’t you?” She tossed her head in my direction, Equius nodded, her gaze intensified. There was a beat, then two, and then she stuck out her hand, bumping him in the chest with her manicured nails. How the hell she could figure out all of that, I didn’t know, but I was going to get hell for I for not telling her up front.

“You seem like a decent guy, sorry for my remarks,” Equius lightly grasped Roxy’s hand and they shook on it; a sort of unspoken agreement forming between the two. “I’ll chat with you later Dirk,” which was Roxy code for ‘you have some ‘splaining to do’ and she pecked me on the cheek and swaggered off. Equius breathed a sigh of relief.

“That woman is quite…” he searched for the word.

“A handful?” I chipped in.

“Quite,”

“I’m sure you two will get along fine,”


	11. Sleeping Arrangements

Equius began moving in his stuff, I rearranged my workroom to accommodate his desk and various half-finished projects. Roxy came by every now and then to help, and sure enough she and Equius got along like a house on fire.

I was pulling down some of my older plans from the workroom's walls when I heard Equius grunt from the hallway; I set down my sheaf of paper and stepped into the hall to see Equius set down a bulbous purple tub-thing. He sighed and rubbed a gleam of sweat off his forehead with the back of his gloved hand.

"What's that Eq?" I asked, leaning in the doorframe.

"A recuperacoon, for me to sleep in," he rubbed his hands on his shorts, hiking up the fabric on his thighs to reveal the tops of his stockings. I didn't question his fashion choices but this was pushing it; If it wasn't for my better judgment I would pin him to the wall and command him to strip down to his underwear and stockings and let me fuck him. It was a dirty thought sure, but I just had it out for thigh-highs, especially thigh-highs on a musclebeast like him.

"So, I get usurped by this weird bed-tub as a sleeping partner? Ouch, Eq," I joked; he gave a short laugh and then shook his head.

"No Dirk, you sillyface. If I can set it up by tonight, it will contain sopor slime that will ease my night-terrors," I nodded understandingly and gave a quiet 'oh' of agreement.

He had been waking up more then usual, sweaty and sometimes on the verge of tears from what he saw when he slept. I had managed to calm him down for the most part, getting him some warm milk and a towel and then snuggling with him, rubbing his horns, and rapping as softly as I could until he drifted back to sleep.

A couple nights in the slime and he would be able to sleep with me again. Sounds easy enough.

"Where do you want to put it?" I stood up and walked to the end of the recuperacoon, poking it experimentally; the material felt like foam rubber wrapped around a metal tub under my fingertips.

"Preferably in the bedroom, I w001d like to be as close to you as possible," I nodded and reached down for the edge of the purple tub, Equius did likewise and we squeezed it through the door and set it don beside the bed. It was a bit of a squish but it fit, we could always rearrange it later. Equius left and then returned with a couple large jugs labeled 'Sopor'.

He set one of them beside the tub and opened the other. Vibrant green liquid jiggled inside, he tipped the jug and poured the sopor into the recuperacoon. The slime ran out of the jug at a snails pace, I merely nodded and went back to the workroom.

My computer dinged as I stepped into the room; I opened up my email, expecting another submission to Plushrump, but instead finding nothing. My computer dinged again as an icon flashed on my desktop, it was my Pesterchum.

I opened the program and started chatting:

**\- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 12:43 -**

**TG: heyyy dirk  
** TT: hey  
TG: yuo never told me you got a boyfriend  
TG: *you  
TT: sorry bout that, I was going to tell you at the supermarket a week ago  
TT: but Equius came back and you got a bit  
TT: snarky  
TG: sharky? Dirk I didn't turn into a shark  
TG: ohh  
TG: snarky  
TG: gotcya  
TG: *gotcha  
TT: yeah, so what do you want to know about him?  
TG: how long have you two been together  
TT: a month or so  
TG: how'd you meet him?  
TT: he got stabbed in the street,  
TT: he came to my door and asked to make a call, I stitched him up for free.  
TG: stabbed?  
TG: hardcore  
TG: you seen his alien wiener yet ;D  
TT: no  
TT: but's he's got a happy trail  
TG: omfg 

**\- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 12:47 -**

\---

Soon enough, the night was upon us. Dishes from supper were cleared and the kitchen was tidied, faces were washed and hair was brushed out. Equius lay on the bed beside me holding me close and rubbing one of his hands up and down my back.

“Humans are strange,” he mused, “So colorful and different, yet you all bleed the same,” I nuzzled into his chest in agreement. Compared to Equius’s plain grey, I was a mess of pale pinks and brown freckles, not to mention my Hella Jeff tattoo that decorated my shoulder.

“Trolls are weird too, I never thought I would see the day when someone would bleed blue,” he rumbled in approval. He tilted his head down and breathed in the scent of my hair; a recent habit that made my heart do happy, achy backflips in my chest.

“We really sh001d be getting to sleep Dirk, it’s nearly 11,” I pouted, I didn’t want him to leave, even if it was only for a night and if he was just half a meter away. I wanted him here in my bed to cuddle with and wake up to. I turned my face up to him, eyes pleading.

“Puppybeast eyes will not work on my Dirk,” I tried harder; he smiled and gave me a kiss on the tip of my nose. “It is only for a night, not forever,” and with that he slid off the bed and switched off the lamp.

My eyes adjusted quickly as I slid under the covers, I watched silently as Equius removed his underwear and stepped into the recuperacoon, his body outlined with the soft green glow of the sopor. His horns ducked out of sight and he released a sigh that seemed to carry all of his built up fear from previous nights, the dreams wouldn’t hurt him here, they couldn’t even touch him.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, flipping this way and that in my bed to find the most comfortable position to no avail. It wasn’t the same without him, I was so used to him being in the bed with me that without him it felt like the bed was too big and was going to swallow me whole.

I kicked off the covers and crawled over the bed to the foot wide gap between the bed and Equius’s recuperacoon. I leaned over the edge, hands resting on the spongy edge of the tub; Equius lay flat on his back, his hair a faint black halo in the slime. He was smiling, blissful in his dreamless sleep.

I reached down and trailed a finger in the sopor, then brought it up to inspect it. It was sort of thick, but not gluey. I sniffed it and found that it smelled very faintly of cucumbers and melon. I rubbed it onto the back of my hand, waiting two minutes to see if there would be a bad reaction. My hand was fine; the slime didn’t congeal on my skin and it felt rather pleasant, like a balm.

I wiped off my hand on the lip of the recuperacoon and then took off my boxers, laying them on the bed so I could grab them in the morning. I set my hands on the edge and swung my legs over, standing off to one side as to not disturb Equius, then slowly crouched down. 

The sopor was warm, but not uncomfortably so, and it felt wonderful. I unfolded my legs and lay down by Equius, I found that I wasn’t lying on the bottom of the tub, but rather suspended in the slime, allowing me to fit one of my arms under Equius to pull him close to me.

I closed my eyes, letting the combined powers of my sleeping matesprit-boyfriend beside me and the sopor’s calming effects take hold.


	12. Sopor-Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW, You have been warned.  
> I don't know why the formatting has defaulted to chunk again, I'm working on fixing it.

Waking up was a slow process, and a trippy one at that. I cracked my eyes open, not sure if I was still dreaming or actually awake. I turned my head, slime tugging gently at my hair, too look at my bedmate. He too was half awake, blinking and looking up with a dopey expression.  
“M’rngh” I tried to speak, lips and tongue paralyzed by sleep and unresponsive. I gave him a light squeeze around his waist, good, at least my arms still worked. His head turned, pointed horn tip poking into the wall of the recuperacoon. He seemed to notice me in slow motion, a happy grin spreading across his face.  
“Good morning, little prince,” he had more training with sopor; it must be easy for him to wake up and speak without slurring. “I didn’t e%pect to find you here this morning,” his arm moved beneath me, hand coming up to brush against my forehead, smearing a line of sopor along my brow.  
“Tht’s a n’w one, Eckq,” I cursed myself for not thinking ahead, I must have sounded like a drunkard. His head turned back and he absent-mindedly started stroking my head.  
“It came from a dream I had, you were a prince ridding a beautiful stallion as I watched from afar,” either that was a thinly veiled attempt to cover up a naughty dream or my name wasn’t Dirk Strider. He turned to me again, sitting up a little and twisting to kiss me on the forehead. He pulled back, a little green smear on his upper lip.  
“I require a shower, do you wish to have one too?” I made a grunt of agreement and started sitting up as well. I had just as much coordination as a young colt on a frozen lake and I nearly fell into the sopor three times. Equius picked me up on the fourth try, carrying me like a princess out of the recuperacoon and down the hall, green slime dripping behind us.  
He set me down on the toilet and ran a shower, then picked me up again; this time with a single arm wrapped around my chest and took me into the shower. The water was deliciously hot, and Equius helped with my hair and everything. I was still sluggish and uncoordinated after the shower so Equius carried me for a second time, saying things like ‘you might fall again’ and ‘it is best to take things easy,’  
He laid me on the bed and did his best to dry me off; he hesitated when he reached my crotch. I had a towel over it but his ears still flicked back in apprehension. He reached out and brushed his fingers over the towel, pressing the terrycloth against my cock. I gave a moan of pleasure and tried to lift my hips to gain more friction. It must have been the sopor; it wasn’t usually this easy to make me moan.  
With a little oh of understanding and a ghost of a leer he climbed onto the bed and laid beside me, hand still petting my crotch. I huffed and tried to lift my hips again, I gasped with the sudden climb in pressure and I quickly lay down again. He kissed me, a swift chaste peck on the cheek that evolved into slow deep kisses that pushed my head into the pillows. He rubbed and played with my cock, the soft cloth pressing against my over sensitive head and making me huff and moan.  
He rumbled and gave a hazy smile; He liked seeing me like this, at his mercy, but the fight wasn’t over yet, I still had a trick or two. I grasped his wrist, numb fingers slipping for purchase on his smooth skin. He released my boner and let me move his hand, slipping his fingers under the hem of the towel and onto my bare skin.  
“I want to feel you,” I gasped in his ear as his digits made contact. I prayed that it would faze him enough for me to gain the upper hand but he still watched me with wide-eyed attention, every little movement I made and breath I gasped entranced him. He drunk in the sight, eyes lingering as his hand moved along my length, watching as I moaned and trust into his hand, not the least bit thrown by my actions. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my flushed cheek, then with lips fluttering by me ear he whispered  
“Now,” he kissed the tip of my ear, “Will you fear me?” a soft bite along my ear and a little more pressure on my groin, “Love me?” I stroked down and passed his thumb over the head of my cock, smearing the precum and making me groan. “Obey me? Will you do that for me?” I had lied earlier, I only had one trick and I had spent it, I was losing a battle I never really wanted to win. It was going to be the first time in human history hat a Strider had given up without a fight and I had no problem with that. I scrambled for words, the haze in my mind making it difficult to concentrate.  
“I-I-ah, I will, Equius,” I was hard to form sentences, let alone speak them, “I will fear-rngh- and love and o-ohh-bey,” I shot him a look from the side of my eye; he was smiling with a smug knowing look on his face. He knew there was no contest; he had me, even from the beginning.  
“Good boy,” he paused and kissed my temple then, with a shiver, spoke again “now come for me” a little phrase murmured into my ear was all it took. I arched and gave a harsh shout of his name. I crashed back into the bed and he swept me up in his embrace, hand still cupping me as the other pressed me close to his chest.  
My hands helped him wipe off my cum from his hand, then it joined his other one wrapped around my chest, idly brushing my nipples with his fingertips.  
He kissed the nape of my neck, uttering a single word into my freckled skin:  
“Mine,”


	13. Lover's Spat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super kawaii boyfriend beatdowns are my forte.  
> Also comballet is totally a thing, shush.

Something must have knocked me out cause I woke up a while later draped in a blanket with a face full of pillow and no Equius beside me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, realizing that my movements were no longer bogged down with sopor. 

I got dressed and tamed back my mess of blonde hair into its regular spiky ‘do. I walked out of the bedroom to see Equius standing in the same position as he did that one morning all those months ago but instead of pants and loose hair he wore a long black skirt with a leather belt and his hair pulled back into a high ponytail. He shifted his stance bringing his hands up and around in a block that curled in on itself.

He had his eyes closed as he performed more sweeping movements, barely making a whisper of noise as he changed positions. He extended a fist slowly to my face, I batted it out of the way and he opened his eyes.

“Ah, Dirk, I see you’ve roused and dressed yourself, did the effe% of the sopor wear of?” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, showing off his arms and a pair of thick leather bracers that matched his belt, the length of which was emblazoned with a large Sagittarius arrow pointing down to his hands.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I won’t be sleeping with you in the ‘coon for a while though,” I tapped the ball of my foot against the floor, quirking an eyebrow at his outfit. “So, what‘cha doing all dressed up like this?”

“Oh, this is my comballet outfit, it’s easier to practice in these vestments then a regular pair of pants and a shirt.” He uncrossed his arms and did a little turn for me. The front of his belt was wider and had a matching arrow tooled onto the leather, beneath it hang the black folds of his skirt, it had so many panels that I swore it could spread flat out if Equius twirled for me.

“Pretty…cool, yeah, pretty cool.” He was pretty pretty as well, but I thought it was best to keep that thought to myself. “So what’s comballet?” It sounded like a sport, a fighting sport.

“It is an Alternian practice of hand-to-hand combat and dance,” He stepped back and flowed into a series of movements, arms passing around his front in blocks and punches as he shifted from stance to stance. “You spar with another person and telegraph your movements just enough so the fight will not end in b100dshed but rather continue in a graceful e%change of power,”

“Cool, mind if I practice my own stuff?” I didn’t really need to practice, but the thought of one-upping Equius after he made me beg like that could not be discarded.

“Of course,” he closed his eyes once more and took up a wide stance. I nodded and took off my shirt, tossing it over the back of the couch and then pushing the couch out of the way to make room.

I took up my own stance and began my practice, flowing through different styles and combinations till I found the right series. I was silent, breathing slowly in greedy lungful’s to stop myself from gasping. Hands striking out in the air then snapping back to a grab. Knees flying up only to be swapped with my other leg in sweeping aerial kicks. 

I landed and performed one more punch and block combo before I noticed Equius, he had stopped and was watching with rapt attention.   
“Oh my,” I stepped forward, clapping slowly, “That was an e%elent display of your fighting prowess, I would be honored if you’d spar with me,” he clapped a palm on my slick shoulder. I smiled then grabbed his wrist and twisted it up and back. I grabbed a fitful of his dark hair and pulled his head back, arching his spine and making him whine.

“Then consider the fight begun, big boy,” I snarled the quickly released him. I danced out of range as he turned and put his fists up, I opted for more versatile open palms and a medium stance, bouncing on the balls of my feet in eagerness.

I saw his side twitch as he pulled back and opened with a two-punch combo, I batted them away and aimed for his chest. He slunk back and dropped, sweeping a kick under my legs as I jumped up and launched myself at his chest. He fell back, catching me by the midsection and flipping me off him before I had a chance to pin him. He kicked up and reassumed his stance.

“Not falling for that one, little prince, I may have been angry but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention,” Fair enough, guess I would just have to come up with something new. He lunged at me again, trying to trap me in a sweeping bear hug. I grabbed his horns and wrapped myself around his face, legs tangling around his neck. 

Well that was something new. Not very practical, but he wasn’t expecting it and that’s what made it new.

He stopped and straightened, placing his hands on his hips.

“Dirk,” he had turned his face a little so my body was only pressed against his cheek. “Dirk this is f001ish, remove yourself at once,”

“Not unless you admit defeat at the abs of Dirk Strider,” 

“No,”

“Then I’m not getting down,”

“Dirk,” there was a warning tone to his voice, I sighed and unwrapped myself, he helped me down until we were standing chest to chest again. I saw yet another opportunity for what Equius would call ‘yet another bout of f001ishness’, I dropped down and dove between his legs, the panels of his skirt gave way and I stood up behind him, slapping his rear affectionately then dancing out of range again.

“If you didn’t admit defeat then the fight is still on,” I grinned and spread my arms, cocking my eyebrow in an invitation. A great toothy smile spread across Equius’s face as he lunged at me once more.


	14. Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what's that? Is that the sound of...a PLOTLINE??!?  
> Yep, but you guys probably never saw this one coming.
> 
> I told you dog, I warned you bro.
> 
> Also, formatting is being a weiner again, I'm sorry.

We had broken off our fight for an early supper and a movie, well not really a movie but a series of Dragonball Z episodes contrasted with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic installments. I absentmindedly rubbed his horns as we watched, he purred loud enough to mask some of the dialogue.  
Did I mention how much I loved Equius? Cause I loved him a lot, and he loved me back just as much if not more. I had yet to expose what he oh-so-carefully hid down there but I was going to do it, somehow. I pecked him on the temple and stood up.  
“Gonna hit the washroom, I’ll be right back,” Equius nodded then turned his attention back to the brightly colored animated ponies. I did my business and washed my hands, I was drying them off on the towel when I heard the phone ring. I ambled over and picked it up.  
“Strider & Zahhak residence, who is it?” There was a quiet sniffle on the other end, then a voice.  
“Dirk, It’s Calliope,” I recognized the voice as Roxy’s girlfriend, A green-blooded Cherub who stood taller and nearly broader then Equius but wouldn’t hurt a fly. “Roxy got hUrt, she’s in th’ hospital, someone attacked her,”  
That was it the floodgates opened, I lowered my voice and took down the address of the hospital. I thanked her and hung up the phone, arm shaking. The noise of the tv stopped, the soft pad of feet warned me of Equius’s approach.  
“What is it?” He set a hand on my shoulder and turned me, I let him do it. “Dirk? You can tell me what’s-,”  
“Roxy’s in Hospital, I need to get there,” I batted his arm off my shoulder and strode to the closet and pulled out my coat. A grey arm appeared in my field of vision, pulling out a second coat as well.  
“I’m coming with you,” Equius stated.

\---

The drive was quick and the walk to the door was even quicker, I didn’t bother with signing in, I just breezed past and headed for the room Calliope had told me about. It wasn’t hard to find, there wasn’t many other rooms occupied with the large green frame of a Cherub kneeling beside a bed.  
I walked in and Calliope straightened, she nodded and shifted out of the way. I pulled a chair over and sat down. Roxy was a mess; there were bandages all over her arms and a couple stuck to her face. She was awake, thank god, but she seemed a little out of it.  
“Roxy,” I said her name quietly, not wanting to shock her. She turned, a smile spreading on her face.  
“Dirk, honey, there you are, Callie said you were coming,” she’s just as happy and bright as the sun, even when she was hurt. Her hand slid into mine and squeezed it.  
“What happened,” I didn’t ask, I demanded. Whoever did this would pay dearly. Her smile faded, but then lit up again when Equius walked into the room.  
“Equius, nice t’see you” Equius gave a solemn nod; he caught sight of Calliope standing off to the side and nearly jumped out of his skin. Roxy laughed, sweet beautiful laughter that was cut off by a cough and a groan.  
“Roxy, who did-,” I was going to repeat myself but Roxy shushed me.  
“Some weird-ass clowny guy, he honked when I kicked him in the balls,” she grinned at me. “He said he was getting someone back for somethin’, and he used motherfucker like punctoo…punctuate…punctuation,” she sighed and her gaze turned to Equius, “He had horns like you, Eq, but tall and curvy,” her hand waved in the air to illustrate the shape.  
Oh no, oh no no no, hell no, hell fucking no, fifty shades of no. It was that same troll that nearly beat in Equius’s head. He had said that he was going to fuck me up, which I was okay with cause I would just beat his ass again, but fucking with my friends was way past the line of too fucking far.  
That clown was going to die.

\---

The drive home was tense, Equius drove as I sat on the passenger side and plotted; I needed to find the troll first, knock him out, restrain the smiley fucker and cut him till he bleeds dry. How to get him out of hiding would be the hardest part, he went after my friends, my boyfriend, but not me.  
“Dirk, are you alright?” Equius asked as he parked. I sighed and rolled my shoulders back, the tension barely unknotting itself from my shoulders.  
“It’s nothing Eq, just a bit distrac…” my voice trailed off as I saw something flutter against a tree, pinned there with a familiar blade. “Equius, get out of the car and into the apartment, I don’t think it’s safe,” he heard the edge in my voice, the strain I put in safe. He unfolded himself and hurried to the door, opening it and then shutting it firmly behind him.  
I left the car slowly, taking my time to steel my nerves. I walked up to the tree and lo and behold, my sword was sunk a hands width into the trunk with a grungy piece of paper skewered on it.  
I pulled out the blade and the note fluttered down at my feet; I didn’t stoop to pick it up, I could read the messy purple print easily:

**Round two, MOTHERFUCKER.**

**HONK honk**

**:0)**


	15. Use

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK, THIS CHAPTER IS MEANINGLESS SMUT, I AM SORRY I JUST NEED TO WRITE THEM FRICKING EACHOTHER SERIOUSLY AND THEN WE'LL GET BACK TO THE PLOT I AM GOMEN.
> 
> NSFW NSFW NSFW

I was tense for the rest of that week; waking up in the night to imagined honking, calling Roxy every day to see how she was doing, and keeping Equius in arms reach at nearly all times.

I was going to find that troll, pull out his rotten purple heart and bleed him out on the street.

"Dirk?" My attention refocused to the task at hand; a spoonful of vegetarian chili hovered an inch over the bowl. "Are you alright?" His ears were tipped back with concern. I set the spoon back in the bowl and my head in my hands.  
"I dunno Eq, I'm worried" I sighed and looked up at him. "I just want to know that you're safe, and that I don't have to worry about unstable clowns coming out of nowhere to fuck with my life," I gave a nervous laugh, everything was fucked up and fixing it would be a bitch. He stretched out his hand, resting it on the table, fingers splayed neatly.

I reached out and covered his hand with my own, my hot palm cooled by his skin. He turned his hand up and grasped my hand, rubbing the knuckles of my fingers with his thumb.

"I am safe, I have my brave prince to protect me," he pulled my hand up and bent down to kiss my fingers. My heart did a flip in my chest and I beamed. He looked up from where he brushed his lips over my fingers, smiling a little at my flush then setting my hand down without releasing my fingers.

"Now eat up, I worked hard on this chili," I grinned and tucked into my now cold supper.

\---

I worked on my laptop after supper, queuing up videos for Plushrump. Equius walked up from behind and wrapped my shoulders and a hug, pressing a brief kiss to my temple. He knew about Plushrump, he had glanced at my computer at an inopportune time and I had to explain that this was my job. He seemed pretty okay with it, nodding and saying 'Whatever pays the bills’. Now he watched as I dragged and dropped files, labeled and queued them up for the night.

"Come to bed Dirk" he pressed another kiss on my head, "Please," his arms flexed, giving my shoulders a quick squeeze. Aw man, there was no way I could say no to a plea like that, it would give me serious bad karma if I ignored him, that and the saddest look from Equius which would just rip my heart out. I closed my laptop and tilted my head back to look at him.

"Fine, now let me get up," Equius unfolded his arms and let me stand. He waited for me, wearing his thigh-high stockings underwear and a tank-top emblazoned with a blue Sagittarius arrow, hand outstretched to lead me to our room.  
He led me down the short hall and into our room, hair loose and swishing against the small of his back. We entered the room and he turned to face me, pulling me close with his hands on my waist and kissing me deeply. He pulled back, words forming on his lips.

"Please, use me," I raised an eyebrow, he flushed and hesitated, then continued, "let me take some of your worry, allow me to carry it for you, even if its just for toneight, I mean, tonight," There was a beat of silence, then two. I slid my hands up his back under his shirt and pressed him into me. He knew I wanted him, and he knew exactly what buttons to push. He could have me at any time of the day, and I would happily comply.

"Strip," I demanded, voice a low growl in his ear. He obliged, pulling his shirt over his horns as I pulled his underwear down. He got my shirt over my head as I worked at my belt; his hands joined mine briefly, ghosting over the waistband of my underwear.

"Get on the bed," I commanded and he clambered onto the bed and waited with his legs spread. I slid my belt out and coiled it in my hand. I crawled on after him, slow and predatorial, keeping my eyes fixed on his and waiting for him to break first, but he matched my gaze with one unbridled lust and want.

His hands slid on his thighs, fingertips slipping under the material and moving to take his stockings off.

"No, keep them on," his hands backed off as my hands came to rest on his knees. I kissed him hard, pressing my tongue in and nipping his lips. His hands held my wrists, keeping me close to him. I kissed down his neck, biting and sucking his grey flesh and raising blue welts, I kept them light so they would heal by Monday, I didn’t want my boyfriend to be kicked out of the job over a few love-marks. He whined and released my hands, urging me on with little gasps of "please". I moved down his body, teasing with the tip of my tongue before sinking my teeth in and making him moan.

My left hand released his knee, sliding down his thigh and then coming to rest at his crotch. I leered, pinch of his grey skin between my teeth as I heard him mewl; the sound was unearthly and seductive, caught between a cry of elation and a carnal moan as I pressed my first finger into him.

I had done my research; trolls had a nook and a bulge hiding down there, bulge within the nook until they got randy enough to let it slither out. And that was another thing, the bulges were like a single tentacle and they were on average 14 inches in length. I couldn't say I wasn't pumped to see this for myself.

I worked a second digit inside of him, curling against the walls of his nook and making him nicker in ecstasy. Damn, I needed to introduce this guy to ponyplay, but that would be for later. I kept working my way down his body, he would be able to cover most of these so I bit harder, making him gasp out my name. I stopped biting and just kissed him on the space of skin between his abdomen and beginnings of his happy trail.

Lower and lower I kissed, the big troll let out a whine as I neared his nook. I teased him and kissed around the opening, licking his thighs and biting softly. I took my fingers out, straightening a little so Equius could see me clearly as I suckled them, lapping up the blue-tinted material. His mouth fell open at the depraved act.  
I smiled and leaned back down again and licked the opening of his nook, he gasped and arched. I pleasured him, my tongue investigating the walls inside him as they tightened around the intruding muscle. 

He was bittersweet like nearly ripe berries and thick on my tongue as I ate him out. I felt a warm brush on my lips and I backed up to see a thick blue bulge slide out of him and twitch in the air. I ran my fingers up its underside, watching it twitch under my touch. I paused and pulled my hand back; there was a glint of silver at the base of his shaft. I set my hand on his bulge and I brushed it back, once again exposing the base of his shaft. There, nestled along a line of tendons, was a triad of Jacob's ladder piercings.

"You dirty boy," I grinned and let go of his bulge, crawling forward on the bed and reaching down to undo my pants. He slid his hands under the fabric, groping my rear and pushing my jeans lower. His hands slid around to my hips and pushed the jeans off, releasing my aroused cock from my underwear. I was six inches in length and a good inch and a half-some in girth.

His bulge twitched up and coiled around my penis, tightening and sliding across my length leaving smears of blue material on my pale skin. Equius moaned and his eyes fluttered closed. I leaned close and brought his hand up to pin them between his horns.

"I am going to split you wide open, babe, I’m going to fuck you as hard and as fast as I can and you’re going to beg me to come,” He shivered beneath me but made no move to release his hands. Equius opened his eyes and fixed me with a lustful blue stare.

"Good, I would e%pect nothing less,” I smiled and lashed his wrists together around one of the posts in the headboard. He wanted me to use him and that what I was going to do.

"Disobey me or break my belt and I'll whip you till you bleed," he shuddered and whined in agreement. I got off his hips and pushed his legs apart, exposing his dripping nook. I rocked forward, teasing him, he whined and pushed forward, sweat shining on his brow.

I palmed his bulge and it released my cock, my other hand lubricated my shaft with the juices leaking out of his nook. I took a breath and buried myself in him, down to the hilt with a grunt if satisfaction. He gasped and flexed around me as I took his bulge in hand and I pumped him as I drew out. I was nearly sliding out of him, teasing his entrance with the head of my cock, and then thrusting all the way back, stretching him out and giving his bulge a stroke at the same time. My other hand found some of the darker marks I had made, taking them with my fingers and pinching, relishing the cries of elation he made.

He crooned and wailed, gasping my name with every breath. I grunted and moaned, leaning close so he could he how I said his name, speaking each syllable with reverence and desire. I came in him, he felt it and arched his back with a trill, I still drove into him, gritting my teeth as my cock rubbed against him, everything oversensitive and sharp. I would ride him till he begged; a Strider would keep his word. 

Blue genetic material dripped over my fingers, spilling over the stretched sides of his nook and pooling on his stomach. He huffed and moaned even more, gasping out a 'please' or 'gosh' I felt him stiffen, but he didn't release.

"Please,” His words were strained, spoken through gritted teeth and labored. “Please sir, may I?” I smirked but I replied to him in a steady voice.

"Dirty boy, I don't think you've earned it," he whined and twitched his hips; he was loosing it, if I left him much longer he would release by himself. But he wanted to come for me, just for me.

"You want to come?” he nodded meekly, sweat trickling along his temple “Then come for me,” and he bucked in my grasp with a deep roar of my name, genetic material arched out of his bulge and splattered onto his chest. I slowed my pace and then gently drew out of him, length of my shaft stained with his fluids. His bulge slithered back inside of him and he breathed a deep sigh.

I slid off him and fetched a towel, returning to our room to wipe off his chest. He smiled, eyes heavy lidded and happy as I wiped of the blue goo. I straddled his chest once more, pressing a gentle kiss on his nose as I undid my belt, taking note that the bar I had lashed him to was bent forward in a curve. His hands came up and pulled me flush to his chest, kissing my forehead and nuzzling into my hair.

I discarded the now blue towel and my belt as Equius found the edges of the covers and pulled them up over us. I stretched my legs out, entwining them around his, with a soft whisper of lips against his grey chest.

“Mine,”


	16. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha filler chapter, this answers a couple questions but not much else.

Equius went to work on Monday, much to my disapproval, but he left me breakfast and a neatly written note;  


Dearest,  


__

Last night was incredible, I w001d love to do it again.  


Next time be rougher.  


Equius <3  


I beamed and tucked the note away for safekeeping. The rest of the day was quiet and cheerful; I tidied about the house and added to the Plushrump queue. 

I decided to take a walk at midday; the fresh air would do me good. I walked along Main Street, under the blue awning of the Grist café, smiling at people who passed, and whistling merrily. Roxy said she was back at home with Calliope, safe and sound and far from the reach of any insane trolls.

I turned into an alleyway, a shortcut between my apartment and Main. Big mistake. I was halfway down the narrow street when he attacked me; the purpleblood with long curvy horns knocked me flat on my back and grabbed at my throat with one of his bony hands. He straddled me and pressed down, making me gasp and grab his wrist for leverage.

“Been a while, my blasphemous motherfucker,” how he even knew what blasphemous meant escaped me, but I had more troubling things on my mind right now like the steady tightening of the trolls grasp on my throat. I reached up and pinched a cluster of tendons in the inner curve of his elbow. He gave a shout and swatted my hand away, releasing my neck only to grab my wrists.

“You shouldn’t of hurt her,” I said, trying to be as menacing as I could while set at a distinct disadvantage. “You’ll pay for that in flesh and blood,” The troll threw his head back and honked loudly, shoulders shaking as his chest spasmed in laughter.

“Big words coming from a motherfucking tiny brother,” he leaned in close “You haven’t got a chance, there ain’t no way I’m gonna stop now,” he chuckled softly and continued, “Ever since Karkat died there ain’t no one to bring me down off this high, and I’m not gonna motherfucking stop until every last one of you motherfuckers are dead,” I had no idea who Karkat was, but this troll’s monologue had gone on for too long.

“Oh really?” and I swung my knee up to connect with his groin. He did in fact honk when you kicked him in the balls. He rolled off me, clutching at his crotch. I stood up and brushed myself off.

“Next time you come around, it will be your last time, assbaka,” there it was again, I don’t know if it was just his presence that made me use shitty Japanese insults or maybe I had just ascended to a whole new level of anime irony.

“Gamzee,” he panted, still massaging his crotch, “My name is Gamzee motherfucking Makara and you can bet your disgusting red bloodpusher that I’ll come back,”

“Good, I’ll be happy to see you die under my blade,” and with that I strode out of the alleyway, feeling the cold glare of Gamzee’s eyes boring into my skull.


	17. What is Mine - Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTERRRRRRR YEHA

It was that very night that he came around; I awoke in a cold sweat, the slow measured sound of honking outside my window. He was here and he had nothing to stop him from killing me. I slid out of Equius’s arms, chest hurting a little when I saw him pout in his sleep. I dressed quickly, throwing on the same green skull shirt that I had been wearing the first time I had duked it out with Gamzee. 

With unsheathe sword in hand, I walked down to the street. The wind blew a plastic bag across my path like a tumbleweed in a cowboy film. He was waiting, idly tossing a club over and over in his hand.

“You here to die?” tip over handle, “Or are you going,” tip over handle, “To be the motherfucker,” tip over handle, “That takes me out?”

I didn’t respond verbally, I just attacked, sword pointed straight for his gut and ready to spill him onto the street. He spun to the side and cracked me in the back of the skull with his club. I was dazed for a moment, and then regained myself to dive in once more with a few quick slashes.

He blocked, laughing madly, I redoubled my efforts. One of his clubs caught me in the wrist, loosening my grasp enough to pull my sword out of my grasp by the blade. It clattered off the roadway, a ringing ping that signaled the end of the fight.

I had lost.

I was going to die.

 

“Well then, my scum-blooded brother looks like they’re on the losing side yet again,” he tipped up his bat, prodding me under the chin and making me connect eyes with his own lazy-lidded purple ones. He grinned, once again revealing that sharp mess of pale teeth to me, then he flickered.

That bastard could flashstep too.

His image solidified again and I felt the cool kiss of steel on my neck.

“Kneel,” I dropped to my knees, keeping eye contact with him as he readjusted the blade at my throat. “Now how should I be getting around to the kill? Slice your neck open and leave you gasping like a motherfucking sorry ass fishbeast out of water?” the blade flicked off my neck only to press into my side, “take you apart piece by motherfucking piece and let you see what blasphemous colors you bleed,” the blade swung up and pressed against my cheekbone “Or cut you up real good and slow like, and listen to you motherfucking beg for it,” he pressed and drew it back a little, slicing the skin and making me hiss when I felt the liquid warmth on my cheek.  
“He has no score to settle with you, highblood,” Like angels singing from the heavens, Equius’s voice rumbled out from behind the purple-blooded troll. Makara turned and the sword left my cheek. 

I craned my neck to see around Gamzee’s thin frame, Equius stood in the middle of the street, wearing only boxers and a MLP;FiM Rarity shirt. His fists were balled and his expression stormy, He stepped forward, coming chest-to-chest with Makara and glaring at him with eyes unveiled by sunglasses.

“Sup,” Gamzee grinned, Equius snarled and shot out a hand, gripping him around the throat and hoisting him into the air. 

“I have leaned to obey, and for all these years, bend to the will of every troll who’s b100d runs higher then my own,” Gamzee’s arms flailed about before coming to rest on Equius’s thick arm to press his throat out of his palm.

“Yeah, motherfucker, why you ain’t bowing before me like you motherfucking should-Hgrk,” My sword clattered to the ground.

“Shut up,” he rumbled, a rare moment where all of his decorum left him only to leave anger. “The time for bowing is long gone, highblood,” Equius sneered the word, a mockery of the respect he would normally pay, “I will only bend before one now,” he dropped his arm, bringing Gamzee’s face close to his, Gamzee’s arms dropped as well.

“You have disgraced me, caused havoc in my social relations and most of all, you have touched what is mine,” the words fell into place in my head; bend before one, touched what is mine, he meant me, he would only answer to me, and I belonged to him and he would fight for me too. I would sit some more and relish those little words of it weren’t for Gamzee slowly twirling a club behind his back.

In a flash I grabbed my sword off the street and set the tip of the blade on Makara’s neck. Everything froze, Makara’s club dropped to the ground.

“Equius, please take you hand away, I’m taking this clown down by myself,” Equius obeyed, Gamzee wheezed a ‘honk’ and rubbed his throat where purple bruises started to form. He turned, lazy grin splitting his face.

He didn’t have long to smile, I pulled back the sword and ran him through the center of his thin chest, he coughed and blood spilled between his teeth. Gnarled hands crept up the blade, grasping the hand guard and then pulling himself deeper with a choking honk.

“Well fuck me, motherfucker,” he murmured before slumping on my sword.

The clown was dead, his shit was wrecked.

I dropped the sword, his body crumpling around it. Equius stepped forward and reached out to me, I stepped close and wrapped my arms around him. His arms crossed over my back and I felt safe, no more clowns, no more blood, just Equius and me.

“Come back to bed, little prince, and take your sword too,” Equius let go of me and tugged my blade out of Gamzee’s corpse. I trailed it behind me as we walked arm in arm, back up to the apartment and back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowiewowwow, finally done, I promise I will write more DirkEquius, I just can't keep my mind of these little pervert cuties.  
> There will be smut, and bondage, and ponyplay, and nookeating and I should shut up because I'm rambling.  
> But yes, thank you for taking the time to read this through.


End file.
